The Future is the Second After You Read This

Though it was a little warm yesterday and a bit humid today, we're settling in on what is fall. The days are already notably shorter, though it's still a blessed eight weeks until the terrible shifting of the clocks. Wake in darkness or leave work in darkness?

But for now people are still riding their electric skateboards and wearing their cyclist's equivalent of a dashboard cam, which is just a camera on their head. In the case of the former, it was just one dude, and while the technology to have a motorized skateboard isn't new, I don't think I'd actually seen one before. If you were expecting that they guy looked and acted like a douche, you'd have been correct.

As for the cyclist with the headcam, this isn't that new either, but once again I'd never seen a person wearing one for general consumption. Also, rather than being attached to his helmet, he had it on his forehead. Nor did he appear to be a very competent cyclist, leading me to wonder just what kind of footage he'd capture on a typical ride. It might be time for me to wear one when I run to take note of cyclists being extreme assholes. This isn't anything unique to cyclists, assholes abound, but it's well-established that I have a gripe with cyclists.

It's a successive string of natural environmental enemies -- cars pose a danger to me too, especially the frequent stop sign rollers and cell phone involved Range Rover drivers (lots of drivers have pulled dumb shit, but there are a disproportionate number of Range Rovers and/or my brain recalls them with greater ease). But cars, pedestrians, and runners can universally agree on hating cyclists. It's a shame because as with any group they're not all bad. Some simple things worth remembering might be: if you want the road rights of cars, you're going to have to start observing traffic signals (things like stop signs and red lights), and moving into the blind spot of a bus or making a right turn across and in front of a bus is not really a good idea. And whatever I say, just remember that your helmet is your seatbelt.

I know what you're thinking, it's a good time for a snack.

The Wheel Deal

I was going to maybe go off on a little tire-ade about cyclists, hence the title, but I realized I did that within the last six weeks or so and as much as I repeat myself, that's a little recent even for me. Even if it wasn't, I'm not sure it was a wheely good idea anyway.

So I've come round to another topic, namely doughnuts. Not many abide by that classic (and more descriptive) spelling, and I'm often tempted to ignore it in favor of the colloquialism that is donut, but I'm going to draw an arbitrary distinction that seems to have been adopted anyway: doughnut=high-end, donut=more mass-produced. That is not to say I prefer doughnut over donut (though I certainly do on a number of occasions), merely that this is the distinction.

Like many, I'd long enjoyed the donut, and there was a time friends and I would wait until 2am for the fresh batch to roll out at a local Dunkin' in order to grab strawberry frosted and other treats. A Dunkin Donut fresh out of the oven? Pretty darn good. But most don't bake on site, and so you get less-than-fresh donuts. This is a recipe for disappointment. The other popular entrant is Krispy Kreme, which I find to be a touch too sweet, but I still can appreciate a soft glazed. The thing is, I prefer cake donuts. Or, to be fair, probably cake doughnuts. That hasn't stopped me from consuming many a Jewel offering  or, further back, Price Chopper, but given a choice I'll up the cost.

In Chicago, there seem to be two choices for high-end doughnuts, though I haven't exactly done a lot of research. They are Glazed and Infused and The Doughnut Vault. I will say, that my preference is for the former, judging only the glazed cake doughnut. Glazed's offering has the distinction of actually tasting of buttermilk, which I happen to enjoy. Doughnut Vault tastes, to me, more like a pancake. But wait, is buttermilk not often a type of pancake? This is correct, and yet because the Glazed offering tastes less sweet, I prefer it.

But from that exciting topic, I was struck by the interesting social phenomena unfolding around me as I waited for a doughnut this morning, in line at DV. Waiting for a doughnut was really foolish enough, but soaking in the ambience was good for me. Plus they brew the Metropolis Spice Island well. As the wait is long, it would be quite natural to perhaps strike up conversation with others around you but, perhaps by virtue of the types of people a boutique doughnut window attracts, none of these interactions came off as natural. The bungling man five people ahead of me who wanted to get cred for identifying the music playing and then giving credit to the women working there, as if his opinion should matter. Just take your doughnuts my friend, and be on your way. Or the girl in front of me who tried so to give off an insouciant cool. Says the asshole who just typed "cred."

Rather than hate these people as I might have done in the past — or simply on a different day — I feel bad for them. I would hope they could traverse the world without great nervousness and fear, especially when undergoing what should be the pleasurable act of doughnut purchase (although I suppose consumption trumps purchase for pleasure). Were that is was so easy.

I was just thinking how there used to be at least a touch more humor imbued in this here old blog. Note to self to bring a bit of that back.

Where has September gone? I simply donut know...

Serenity Sans Cyclists

Ah the bicycle, a wonderful invention, but then enters the rider of the bicycle. And because these riders of bicycles are regular people, not all of them are quite what I'm looking for in terms of etiquette and understanding. There are those who use the bicycle as tool of transport, and there are those who go a step further and enter the realm of cyclist. Within the realm of cyclist there is quite the range, from the geared-out guys and gals on their pricey road bikes, to the stereotypical hipster on his or her fixie. It doesn't matter what they look like though, it's the attitude. 

I run. At times this means sharing space occupied by pedestrians, by skateboarders and rollerbladers, folks on Segways (can the riders of Segways be called segues?), cars and — yes — cyclists. The sidewalk, the road, steps, grass, railroad tracks, shared lakefront paths. I'm naming but a few; the important part is the sharing.

The cyclist has angered me for some time, even before one ran into my leg and did [un]reasonable damage to my body. Before that event, on that very path (and hell I probably mention it there in that linked post), cyclists so frequently ride not just quickly, but closely. I do that too...to inanimate objects. I hug the lane next to a parked car, shimmy between a parking box, an outdoor bench, in the name of not slowing down some sure, but also in the name of not obstructing anyone else.

Often I run in the bike lane in my neighborhood, but what abuts the bike lane is parking space. I'm always tensed, awaiting a comment so I can point out the distinction. Or note that cyclists sometimes ride two abreast and my running certainly occupied no more space than would this second cyclist. But the quickest point is always, "Ever ride your bike on a sidewalk?" This messes with shit far more than me running in the bike lane. Further, since many ignore other traffic rules —like, for instance, red lights — you'll just have to deal with my running opposite you in your lane. 

After all, there was a time when there was no bike lane...

Well there was plenty of other nonsense I might have mentioned but how about I let you know that about.me loves my page. How do I know? They emailed me you silly geese! I get that messages like that one are sent in bulk, but I think it's funny considering my profile is quite barely developed. Why did AOL buy this up for $10 million again? I guess because that's like $10 for me, and I do buy some silly shit for that price.

In the meantime, I'll be jamming to this until I make myself sick, just like I did before...and I surely will do again.