Thanksliving

Dudes and dudettes of the virtual world, what is up? As for me, I'm back east for a jiffy as I prepare to celebrate my most favoritest (close enough to being a word) holiday: Thanksgiving. For reference I looked back at my last two Thanksgiving-related postings because I just knew I'd have them. I have to say, last year the relevancy of this post was pretty low, but I think I really got it right two years ago with this holiday recipe.

At the close of last year's post I said that Thanksgiving combines the five f's, and then proceeded to list only four. Well shit, I'd amend it, but I hate editing (even though I have worked as an editor). Now that I've used the s-word there perhaps I can add foul language as the fifth f. After all, not everyone loves their family, and Thanksgiving can be a calamitous occasion. So right, I can be thankful that is not the case with my own. Blah blah blah...

So yes, I am not going to bother to add much more in this post because I have been writing a crapton lately and I can't think of too much meaningful to add...except this Camera Obscura video because I have been digging this album lately. Once the weather turns chilly these guys and, for much longer, Belle and Sebastian get a lot more play. Haunting, soothing voices, soft melodies, whiskey, sweaters, blankets...pretty good.



Have yourselves a merry little Thanksgiving...

Friday the 13th: The Gathering Storm

Happy Friday the 13th everyone. I don't actually keep track of how frequently Fridays the 13th (Friday the 13ths?) occur, but I do know this is at least the second of 2009. Usually Friday the 13th isn't anything all that special aside from the standard triskaidekaphobia and potential launch dates for the next Jason slasher. Our last Friday the 13th takes us way back to March. So much and so little could be said to have occurred since then, but mostly I am wondering why I am writing this as if I am a shitty disc jockey.

In other news, holy fucking shit. I was browsing the library's online catalog yesterday and what should finally be available but book 12 in the mothertruckin' Wheel of Time series. All of you excited bastards can buy it here.


Cover art: amazing[ly embarrassing] as always

As someone trying to do a little writing here and there and struggling to spew out a fledgling 50,000 word novel[la], this dude makes me look like an invalid. Posthumous publication of the ending of this series is likely to hit a whopping 685,000 words. I can't wait ( I can totally wait) to sink my teeth into this. I might just wait until all three are released so that I might finally resolve what's going down with Rand Al' Thor and the boys. The Dragon, it appears, is somewhat reborn.

Speaking of dragons, or at least beasts, Lance Armstrong qualifies:


What a garage was really built for.


I would fear hitting myself in the nuts.


Looking insane...


And more insane...

Conclusion: Lance Armstrong, drug cheat or not, is like intercourse while camping:


In tents!


Lastly, it really deserves its own post (or Kellogg's or General Mills...tap that cymbal...), but I've been loving the shit out of this Encyclopedia of cereal. All of their content is amazing, but I've pegged a few favorites:

• Quisp cereal

• Buckwheats

• Rice Krinkles and their racist mascot So-Hi.

Just a reminder of how epic shit used to be. The ads for these cereals are miniature stories and TV series in their own right. You weren't just eating breakfast, you were eating history. Until next time...

My New Favorite Website

Awesome websites are all over the place these days, but I just stumbled on this one. I guarantee enjoyment or your money back, and since you didn't spend any money to view that, that's a guarantee I stand by.

Last week as a nice fall/Halloweeny activity I traveled with some folks to The World's Largest Corn Maze. I'd never gone through a corn maze, let alone the world's largest but I have to say it was good times. I like the creepy rustling sound of brushing against the stalks and husks. Maybe next year a reprisal where I try to spook other maze-goers. Another reason to like corn mazes? The obvious "maize" pun. Booyah.

Dear Apple,
Please cut it with the Mac v. PC ads. Not only is it getting old, it has spawned all of these ridiculous counter PC ads. I do like the one with that little Asian girl, she is super cute, but I'm also influenced by the sweet musical accompaniment that reminds me so fondly of Gob Bluth. Why are people admitting that they are hardwired machines that generally can't run for more than six hours without being plugged into a power source? I mean, my laptop sort of kicks ass, but I like being a human more. Thanks guys.

Also, I joined twitter. I haven't begun to use it, but I thought that I'd secure myself a handle in case fate and peer pressure ever temp me...and believe me, they tempt me all the time.

One more thing: Happy Eve to the Eve of All Hallow's Eve...

Pumpkins, Porn, and Pesto

I'd be lying if I said I experienced all of those in the last twenty-four hours, but it's close. I was just reading over my last entry and realized that's what happens when you have a few drinks and you come home to your iTunes playing My Girl. What a jam. The sad thing is, not even I know what the Hell the rest of that entry is referencing.

I can also tell you that when you eat nearly an entire container of Edy's Pumpkin Ice Cream your head gets all warm, or at least mine does, unless it's the slow release of poisonous pesto from Quizno's. I like pumpkin when it comes to pie but frequently find it overdone with a lot of things. When things are labeled pumpkin, they're generally more just excessively cinnamony, and sometimes too much in the way of cloves, but I was diggin' this. It was the perfectly melted consistency from the short walk from the grocery. Unfortunately, and I can't tell you what in ice cream production accounts for this property (probably just simple rules of melting), the outsides turned to mush while the inside remained firm, resulting in a rotating cylinder of over-packed ice cream. Still, I just dug around the edges with some broccoli (truth) and pita chips (salt + sweet = awesome). I am intrigued by the potential for perhaps combining this with Guinness and/or Bailey's but right now I wish my head weren't so damn hot. No room here to discuss pumpkin beer.

The last order of business is viewing porn in public libraries. Yes, I am making the distinction of public because some peoplehave their own libraries. Hell, technically, just a bunch of books in your bedroom constitutes your library, but I am talking some fancy shit with a whole room or more dedicated to books 1800s-style. I like to kick it at the big-time public library when I can, but I'll stay local when I don't have additional downtown business to attend to. I like to go upstairs to the adult and fiction/literature section. Lo-and-behold it is indeed the adult section as I have not once, but twice, noted an old dude (at least in his mid-40s, which isn't that old, but age isn't really the point here) viewing some form of fetish porn. Considering I a) was reprimanded for having a water bottle in the library, b) was reprimanded for removing my shoes in the library, and c) was reprimanded for briefly napping at a desk in the library (and it was not crowded), I find it rather amazing that this guy is able to go about his business on a regular basis. And maybe it's as simple as that, that he's much more of a regular.

But now I've gotta go to get away from it all, perhaps to Kokomo...

My Girl

Talkin' 'bout myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy girl; my girl, oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

Sometimes shit is funny when it happens, and sometimes it's even funnier in retrospect.

If you really want to know, all you have to do is ask.

You Can Be a Model; You Can Be Murdered

With the economy as it is and unemployment continually on the rise, it warms the hearts of citizens like myself to read about the record bonuses being given out on Wall Street this year. Positively delightful. If they want to set aside a cool billion for me and my homies, maybe I'd complain a little less. It's always a question: if I had a shit-ton money would I feel the same? I'd probably feel some compulsion to do something socially responsible with it. While I spent my time researching a worthy endeavor or organization, I'd be keeping most of that money under my mattress.

I'm certainly not in as economically dire straits as so many in this country and around the globe but I'm still attracted by the quick buck. So I'll find myself periodically responding to craigslist modeling scams, and it is responses like this that make it entirely worth it:

Hello,

Good to read from you. It is a great opportunity you have just drawn close to yourself. I must make you understand that I have been a professional photographer and a publisher for the past 7yrs and now I am working in the industry to gain more ground as a model agent.

It is a print job for the late year 2009 and It will be good if you share in this great opportunity as we all know that the best of life is the one shared.

The location for the shoot will be an indoor location and it will not be disclosed to you until we have reach a certain agreement but do not be disturbed as you would not have to travel.

Please take proper note of the following details:
· Your pay for this assignment is $1000 by the end of the shoot.
· The shoot date will be on 17th of October.
· The name and address of the studio to be used for the shoot will be disclosed to you after we reach a certain agreement and before the date of the shooting.
· We will take care of your make-up or make-over because we have professional specialist ready to take good care of that because we want a completely unique shoot.
· You are allowed to come along to the shoot with anybody of your choice on the day of the shooting, your mum, dad, friend, body-guard anybody you wish to come with just to make you feel comfortable but not more than one person is allowed as your escort.
· You will have 6 different fashion outfits to cover and all these outfits will be provided by our client on the day of shoot. The types of clothing will be Shirts, Suits, Jacket, Jean, Beach & Night Gowns (Note: There is no nudity in this shoot).
· You must be 17years or above.
· You must posses a very strong interpersonal skill (This is very important)..
· You must be worthy of trust.
Our client's name is Mrs. Katrine Miller and her Magazine’s name is "KATEAUS IMAGE" and here is her website as a designer http://sites.google.com/site/kateausimage/.

As i already mentioned, your pay for the jobs is $1,000 and the shoot will only last for 6hours starting from 10am – 4pm.

Please get in touch with me immediately if you are available to take this job.
I will be waiting to read from you along with one recent photograph and measurements of yourself ASAP.

Regards..


There really was no name attached to the email, but it could always have been another Philip Markoff.

I can't decide if this was written by an Eastern-European robot or what exactly, but it does indeed give me a good laugh and I agree with the writer's assertion that "the best life is one shared." That's part of why I'm sharing such a great email with you. The safety assurance that you can bring whoever you like with you really sets me at ease. In just the same way that seeing a lot of cops makes me think a neighborhood is real safe. I was tempted to respond to see where these folks set up operation, but I didn't quite have it in me.

Top o' the morning to you folks; after all it's morning somewhere...

Run For Your Life

Some straight up beast running took place this past weekend, a good deal of it in my "back yard" as the Chicago Marathon runs right past my apartment at about the seven-and-a-half mile mark. I got a couple of shots and a little video of the race leaders and all sorts of random competitors but I was fairly unprepared to do so most of the time and I've not taken the time to upload them yet anyway. It was also cold enough that my battery was falsely reading as being low on charge. In the meantime, here's a shot of race-winner and reigning Olympic champ Samuel Wanjiru.


Wanjiru: Total Beast.

These elites glide along so effortlessly running 4:50 miles and faster that it's a bit surreal. I'd be pretty content if I could be running that for 5k right now. The first question anyone asks when they find out you are a runner is if you've ever run a marathon. It's always been "no" and "I don't think I ever will" as responses, but I think I might change my tune after my first viewing experience. To put it mildly, it kicked ass: great venue, supporters/spectators all over the course, and various tunes bumping at different mileage markers.

In other running news this weekend wonderboyman Dathan Ritzenhein, my high school contemporary, threw down at the World Half-Marathon Championships, finishing just a second out of second to earn the Bronze.

Yes, Ritz, you earned that.

Ritz was dominating the high school scene when I first got addicted to running and watching his scrawny and over-exerted frame collapse to win the Foot Locker National Championship as a junior made me a fan of his for life. I couldn't scrounge up a photo of that on short notice, but here's another shot of what Ritz looks like after inhuman efforts:


Ritz makes me want to be tough. And speaking of tough, Man v. Food host Adam Richman, recently attempted a challenge I've long wanted to undertake and know I have no shot at: the fat sandwich competition at Rutgers' own Grease Trucks. The trick is to eat five sandwiches in 45 minutes to rename one. As the Targum spoils, Adam fails at four sandwiches. All I can say is I wish I had been there. I'm not even that beast of an eater, but with a long-run, a few beers, and perhaps a currently illegal THC-containing substance, I think I might have been able to match four...I can certainly do three, and I suck. Mostly it boils down to me being jealous of Adam's job.

Finally, there are those times I wonder why I haven't explored traditional paths to gaining a job as a teacher. Well, and I know it's a bit silly sometimes to use something like this as a barrier, but when my potential peers post messages like this:
"teaching a math lesson tomorrow....i should prob care more but i just dont lol"...well let's just say I feel less thrilled at being on an equivalent level with such an individual. You can't always let pride get in the way, but my god I sometimes fear for the education of the youth of tomorrow. Here I sit, doing little to amend that.