Reigning in the Rain

Ah, the relationship with rain. I actually like when it rains, because you need a good gloomy day now and then. And, providing it's not too chilly, little is more invigorating than a run in the rain. But when you need to get somewhere and all around you have umbrellas, well, I've spoken of umbrella etiquette before. Without entirely rehashing my gripes, I'll just say that umbrella use is a great microcosm into the selfishness of an individual. Don't want to get wet and/or have important things you don't want to get wet? I totally understand. But others don't really want to either, nor do they want to be decapitated by your unwieldy wielding of an umbrella.

But that's small fry and, rain aside, for however sunny life seemed in Chicago on Family Matters, the fact of the matter is, these days — as a friend put it when I shared the numbers — Carl Winslow is not doing his job. It's really not anything new, which makes it more disturbing. Yes, there are surges in the murder rate, but there are consistently a lot of murders in this city. Is it because they're on the South Side that they get less coverage? Wouldn't that be a shocker...

Since I don't worry about transitions, how about Andy Roddick retiring? This is not a subtle distraction from bigger issues, it's blatant. But Roddick, I have to say I enjoyed press conferences like this one after Roger Federer annihilated him at the 2007 Australian Open. And I liked to watch the guy play. It's true, he wasn't on the level of Federer and then Nadal and Djokovic. Tennis, in this era, is unusual, in that those are the three guys winning everything [that matters — Slams]. And rarely are they being eliminated from tournaments by anyone other than each other. And yet, even though I never really thought he'd do it, I would root for Roddick to win tournaments after that 2003 US Open.

Who can say why? Sports and other allegiances are an odd — and fickle — thing. It's hard enough to pass judgment on people you actually know, but then toss it through the lens of athletes or other celebrities who we get to know through tabloids and [sometimes] legitimate news sources. "Gee, that guy seems like an asshole." Or, "Seems like the kind of guy I'd want to grab a beer with." Or even, "I hate you, but goddammit do I respect you."

And hell, I remember sitting in my sister's apartment, begging the fifth set to go to Roddick at the 2009 Wimbledon final. This one was different as I always thought he'd need luck, or Federer to be off his game to win. But that day he outplayed Federer. That day I really thought he might win. It's a testament to Federer that he hung on anyway. I feel as if, in America, we root for the underdog, but we also want to be the dominant force. It's at odds with itself. And because Roddick rose to the top, ever so briefly, and then hung around, well, I think it made me like him more. It hardly effects my life whether he won or lost a match, and yet it affected it here and there.

Party on Roddick.

Finally, a couple of quick reminders: don't be afraid of the weird hairs growing on your back. This doesn't have to be awkward backhair if you just own it. And yes, sometimes deaf people are jerks. Sometimes, deaf people are assholes. Why am I saying this? Well, I've slipped through the rankings for these search terms, so I'm just doing some low-grade SEO.

SEO you later.

Weather or Not, Here They Come

Back in the day, and by back in the day I mean a little over two years ago, I wrote a post pertaining to warm weather spawning crazy behavior. I'd link to it, but it's nothing too profound. I've got to say that whether or not the specific mechanism of the heat that causes people to react absurdly might not have been identified, it is always a key player in fact and fiction.

Evidence includes the increased number of shootings here in Chicago over Memorial Day weekend, when temperatures reached into the 90s. One simple factor could be people step out of their homes once it gets warm. Another could be that being overly hot irritates people. Here is where I plug the fictional reference of Albert Camus's The Stranger in. Specifically, when Meursault decides to shoot a man on the beach, largely on account of the excessive heat. Granted part of that is meant to be absurdist but I, for one, find it steeped in reality.

In me, hot weather doesn't inspire the desire to do physical harm to others, it inspires the desire to wear very little clothing, drink cold beer, and eat ice cream. That's as crazy as I get I guess.

On the topic of hot [sauce] I briefly contemplated, at the behest of a couple of chums, the Taco Bell equivalent of Super Size Me. I do eat there once or twice a week, but once or twice a day for month, though I think I could survive it, probably isn't the smartest idea. Not to say I haven't done many [more] stupid things in the past. Of course, if Taco Bell sponsored me to do it I might reconsider. Likewise if Keystone Light, Colt 45, or Jim Beam (I'd happily settle for Seagram's) offered sponsorship.

Anyway, shit, I'm real tired. Happy Memorial Day folks...

You Can Be a Model; You Can Be Murdered

With the economy as it is and unemployment continually on the rise, it warms the hearts of citizens like myself to read about the record bonuses being given out on Wall Street this year. Positively delightful. If they want to set aside a cool billion for me and my homies, maybe I'd complain a little less. It's always a question: if I had a shit-ton money would I feel the same? I'd probably feel some compulsion to do something socially responsible with it. While I spent my time researching a worthy endeavor or organization, I'd be keeping most of that money under my mattress.

I'm certainly not in as economically dire straits as so many in this country and around the globe but I'm still attracted by the quick buck. So I'll find myself periodically responding to craigslist modeling scams, and it is responses like this that make it entirely worth it:

Hello,

Good to read from you. It is a great opportunity you have just drawn close to yourself. I must make you understand that I have been a professional photographer and a publisher for the past 7yrs and now I am working in the industry to gain more ground as a model agent.

It is a print job for the late year 2009 and It will be good if you share in this great opportunity as we all know that the best of life is the one shared.

The location for the shoot will be an indoor location and it will not be disclosed to you until we have reach a certain agreement but do not be disturbed as you would not have to travel.

Please take proper note of the following details:
· Your pay for this assignment is $1000 by the end of the shoot.
· The shoot date will be on 17th of October.
· The name and address of the studio to be used for the shoot will be disclosed to you after we reach a certain agreement and before the date of the shooting.
· We will take care of your make-up or make-over because we have professional specialist ready to take good care of that because we want a completely unique shoot.
· You are allowed to come along to the shoot with anybody of your choice on the day of the shooting, your mum, dad, friend, body-guard anybody you wish to come with just to make you feel comfortable but not more than one person is allowed as your escort.
· You will have 6 different fashion outfits to cover and all these outfits will be provided by our client on the day of shoot. The types of clothing will be Shirts, Suits, Jacket, Jean, Beach & Night Gowns (Note: There is no nudity in this shoot).
· You must be 17years or above.
· You must posses a very strong interpersonal skill (This is very important)..
· You must be worthy of trust.
Our client's name is Mrs. Katrine Miller and her Magazine’s name is "KATEAUS IMAGE" and here is her website as a designer http://sites.google.com/site/kateausimage/.

As i already mentioned, your pay for the jobs is $1,000 and the shoot will only last for 6hours starting from 10am – 4pm.

Please get in touch with me immediately if you are available to take this job.
I will be waiting to read from you along with one recent photograph and measurements of yourself ASAP.

Regards..


There really was no name attached to the email, but it could always have been another Philip Markoff.

I can't decide if this was written by an Eastern-European robot or what exactly, but it does indeed give me a good laugh and I agree with the writer's assertion that "the best life is one shared." That's part of why I'm sharing such a great email with you. The safety assurance that you can bring whoever you like with you really sets me at ease. In just the same way that seeing a lot of cops makes me think a neighborhood is real safe. I was tempted to respond to see where these folks set up operation, but I didn't quite have it in me.

Top o' the morning to you folks; after all it's morning somewhere...