There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Friday, June 12, 2009


My good buddy Tom upbraided me for the decided lack of humor in my entries here, and he's totally right. Since a time I can't recall precisely, posts have taken a more "daily summary" shift. So here's a little something on a tasty dessert offering.

Initially I was tempted to call this simply "The Most Ill-Named Dessert of All-Time," but you always need to leave a little room at the top. That said, prepare yourself for one of the more oddly-named — and oddly delicious — entrants to the dessert market. Chocolate meets vanilla with that familiar cookie-crunch center, but takes things to an entirely new level with a mint chip and ice cream cone nose and flying saucer eyes. Yeah, that's right bitches, I'm talking about the Cookie Puss.

The likely progenitor of Cookie Puss. Fudgie played horse, while this guy played donkey, leaving Cookie Puss the sterile mule, contributing to his rarity.

I don't really know exactly what Papa Carvel was thinking except maybe a contrasting character to make Fudgie the Whale sound a little less ridiculous. Or, given the connotations of "fudge," maybe he was appealing to heteronormativity (incidentally, the theory of heteronormativity nearly won Einstein the Nobel Prize before he banged out that relativity business. To increase the length of this parenthetical I feel compelled to mention—though it was not my proudest moment—that as a weensy-bladdered youth I once relieved myself in the bushes outside Einstein's Princeton, NJ home).

Fudgie is an alcoholic.

Cookie puss will fade into history then as one of the odder creations but, having eaten nearly an entire one on my own at an office party for St. Patty's Day 2008 (come on people, I couldn't just let it melt), I've gotta say he's udderly delicious.

To truly prepare yourself for eating some c-puss though, you need to check out these classic Carvel ads for the creature in question: yes and yes.

Shit, I have a plane to catch...count it...
Thanks for stopping by…you stay classy Planet Earth.