There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Monday, February 28, 2011

There's an Ad for That

One of my routine gripes in here is advertising. It's a field I considered entering and to which perhaps I was or am suited, but for which I have been unable to escape a bad taste in my mouth. I hear that cry of if I think I can do better, then why don't I. Nevermind that many gatekeepers would have to greenlight my cockamamie ideas. But I'm not going to delve into that, this gripe is rather more focused and it has to do with facsimile musical tracks being created for use in commercials, in what I would assume is an effort to avoid paying the rightful composers of said music. That seems about right, right?

The latest one I noticed was an ad for Brigham Young University during their victory over San Diego St. You might recognize the instrumental in the background as a blatant rip-off of Snow Patrol's "Chocolate". There are, in fact, differences between the two, just as there are between Vanilla Ice's most well-known hit and a certain Queen collaboration with David Bowie. Who knows, perhaps the folks who created that BYU ad were granted permission from Snow Patrol to create a little jingle that sounded much like one of their songs.

Moving right along, February is about to draw to a close and it never ceases to amaze me how quickly the 28 days pass. Heck, even when it's 29 it seems much smaller than the old 30 and 31-dayers. So it goes, eh Kurt?

Before this month ends, I must say that I am firmly behind Charlie Sheen. This vid is the latest and while many think Charlie sounds nutty, there is an awfully intelligent and articulate individual there. In the clip they even discuss that he is anti-semitic. As a half-semite, or a semi-semite, that they would even find the alleged anti-semitic remark anti-semitic, is...well...Why do I have a feeling those who made that speculation are not even Jews themselves? Not that it would matter really, I just find that interesting...Shouldn't we let the supposed offended race or religion be the one to point out their offense? Charlie, my apologies on using your first name lest it give any implication that I might know you on any real personal level.

But what really stinks in the whole situation, to me, is something I feel I see so damn often in the media. I admit I don't follow the news nearly enough. I find myself grossly uninformed on many current (and even past) events. But I might prefer to be uninformed than misinformed. With all of the unrest in Northern Africa and the Middle East, why the Hell are we so up in arms about a guy who performs on a sitcom doing a lot of drugs? Perhaps he is damaging himself, perhaps he is setting himself up as an anti-role model, but is that more important than thousands of people being murdered and political unrest? I'm all for humor bringing levity to things and serving as a pleasant distraction, but when we get down to serious business, shouldn't we focus on actually serious business? Update: Sheen was on Piers Morgan last night and these very things were addressed, with the show itself coming before Anderson Cooper's discussion of the state of affairs in Libya. Kind of...meta...

At any rate media, I continue to be more afraid of trans fat than I am Charlie Sheen. Update: I ate a DiGiorno pizza at 2:30 in the morning, which contains my feared trans fat. I had hyper-realistic nightmares. I am sure it was the pizza and not any other substances. Beware the Ides of March, folks. Mazel Tov.

Friday, February 18, 2011


We've all made them, like that girl I got pregnant (sorry) and not wearing a jacket when I went outside today. It would seem in both cases my mistake was in the lack of jacket. And while in the first case I didn't go through with it, in the latter I decided to stick it out (in the first case in would seem to be apt). Sure I could have gone back inside for a jacket, but that would make me a bitch! Or sensible. Also, the first scenario, so far as I know, has yet to occur for me. Ladies, if it has, and you're reading, you probably should have mentioned something much sooner. Furthermore it should have been abundantly clear through this blog alone that I am probably not the man you want raising your children.

Moving right along then, the weather is getting warmer and that means it's still not warm enough to not wear pants. The other day, had I been running, I would have opted for the pantsless approach but I was not so I did not. Often I am intrigued to make my old jeans into cut-offs for limited summer engagements, but golley gee it's the crotch that goes first! Shouldn't it be the crotch that comes first...But really, last night I was taking a deuce break at DSW Shoe Warehouse and I noted, for the first time in this particular pair of pantolons, two vampire-bite-like holes in the rear crotchal region. My concern wasn't so much that they were there at the moment so much as it was how long they had been there. Luckily my general assholistic fashion provides good enough cover that many may have assumed or presumed that it was purposeful. Or maybe, just maybe, people aren't looking at your ass you egotistical self-centered sonofabitch...

In musical news that isn't the Grammy's — at least not this years — I have been jamming to British sensation Adele, more specifically "Someone Like You." It is a sexy number if you want to use sexy improperly, but it is totally awesome. Anyway, if you haven't heard of Adele, and you probably have, then you should. Listening to her speak of heartache at 21 is, for me, a little easier to relate to than when I heard Commander Venus doing the same as a 13 year-old. I still can't believe she is only 21. Here's to talented people making me feel old and unaccomplished.

In musical news that is the Grammy's, people were in a pretty big uproar about Justin Bieber's lack of awards. I admit I was surprised and I am neither pro-Bieber nor overly knowledgeable about music. The uproar did spawn responses such as a"Who Is Arcade Fire" Blog. I looked at only a couple of posts before I had to turn away in horror before my brain exploded with pop references and the inevitable creation, evolution, and extinction by overuse of some meme in particular. Anyway, if I had to guess, the blog was created by people who like Arcade Fire and think it is funny the responses people have to there Grammy success. I think Arcade Fire is okay. I am glad I watched the Grammy's to see Cee-Lo and Gwyneth Paltrow sing "Forget You."

People have been loving slo-mo stuff since at least the Matrix ('97), so you'll probably like this too. It isn't even really new news that Border's is on the way out but it kind of depresses me like shit. And I didn't even really go to Border's all that much.

Since I want to end on an uplifting note, I suggest you go take a ride in an elevator...that joke has its ups and its downs. Stay fresh folks.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Winter Warmer Words and Whiskey

If you live in a place that experiences winter you, like me, probably have your favorite winter albums. I enjoy music at all times of year, but when the temperatures dip and the days get short it activates parts of my brain — or, perhaps, deactivates others — and shifts my musical tastes to decidedly more mellow or even melancholy tunes. It's a good time for Bon Iver and Belle and Sebastian among others, and ever since I lived in Vermont for a time, I was draw into Camera Obscura. I will explain by saying I have no real explanation but sonically this stuff just works, and embedded below is the first track I heard from the band, one I instantly fell in love with:

It would seem as if winter is about to break as, though I did no follow-up, I heard strangers on the street mention that Punxsutawney Phil (PP for short, and yes, I have to verify the spelling of Punxsutawney every time I type it), did not see his shadow and winter should be receding. This would be cool or, rather, warm, but while I'll complain about winter, I kind of like it all the same, and I was settling in for a little of it. I think it's simply that, when it's over, it is another indication to me that a lot of time has passed and I stop to assess where the old life is headed.

In the name of alliteration I alluded to whiskey as well, and boy do I ever love me some of that. Winter has a way of improving the taste. And, thanks to a tip from a chum of mine (I resist the urge to draw in real names sometimes in here due to the internet and anonymity and stuff and things), I read about the following earlier this week or late last. It's a quick link, or concise summary rather of a man who survived near-nakedness in sub-zero temperatures due to an excessive blood-alcohol content (BAC, which might stand for bad-ass constant except that to drink that much is actually just stupid). Cool story though. I'm excited for the roaring 20s to be a historical epoch and not the weather forecast which isn't even accurate because it's been teens and single digits. It's not even that bad, since I kind of like the feeling of my beard and nose-hairs freezing.

I'm already a little bit excited for it to be 11:11 on 11/11/11. And it'll happen twice. But I'm also in no hurry for it to get here.

Anyway, my feet smell. Time for new insoles, new shoes, or perhaps new feet. Come on science, redeem this stinky-footed bastard...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Stupor Bowl

I mean that's what they should call the culmination of the NFL season right, because there is one game for folks to gather round and get universally shit-faced? Or at least eat lots of delicious and snacky foods. Or both. Yeah, okay, I get it, my word play can be aggravating. Pepper in enough puns and you take out all the fun. Routinely I think that "Super Bowl" is one word, but it is in fact two, and trademarked rather extensively, so that many cannot use the word without paying big bucks or getting sued.

Though I do enjoy the sport of football, I remain an avid if not rabid fan of high school running as well. One of my big favorites to come up was Craig Forys. He broke all kinds of records for Jersey high schoolers I never thought would be subsequently broken, or at least, not so soon. And yet they were, just a couple years after he graduated. I like to think Forys blazed the trail. I hope that kid goes on to rock it in his last seasons of eligibility in college.

Also in the track world, this Mo Farah guy is great. I don't know if this managed to be the first interview of him I have seem — that would seem rather incongruous with my track love — but what a nice, solid dude. Throw in that I cling to my connection and periodic flaunting of my own British heritage and, right, further incongruous. Rooting for this dude too.

After posting about Groundhog Day, I didn't even bother to see if old Phil saw his shadow. Looking out the window right now though, I believe there is going to be six more weeks of winter. Call it a hunch. But at least there are good things to do indoors (traipsing through the snow is fun too), like, if you are in Chicago, to check out this exhibit of Vivian Maier's photography. This has been getting some press in big time news sources like the New York Times and was on the local news here. I've already pointed it out to a few folks. If you can't make it to that, at least check out the dude's blog with a bunch of photos posted. Truly awesome and emotive.

I don't know who I even want to win this Super Bowl, maybe the Packers? But, after saying I wasn't down with Wiz Khalifa's "Black and Yellow", I gotta say, I like it, especially for repping his home town. Pittsburgh just keeps getting on the map, a funny term, since I'm pretty sure it's always been on the map, nomsayin'?

Right then, have yourselves an excellent Sunday.
Thanks for stopping by…you stay classy Planet Earth.