There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Flying With Sprinkles

The event that links to this title took place some weeks back now, but it reoccurred to me after viewing the sprinkles in question in my kitchen cabinet. You see, as I stepped on a flight from New York (LaGuardia, specifically, and I add these details lest the consideration be greater security in a city such as this) I placed my bag through the x-ray machine on the conveyor belt and then opted for a pat down because I like strangely gloved human contact with strangers, bit which I mean I don't want any more radiation coursing through my glowing veins.

As I stood awaiting my bags, an officer asked who the proprietor of a blue duffel-like bag was, and I noted it was I. He asked if I had any bottles in my bag and I responded that there were not, just some stroopwafel, an electric shaver, a rooster cutting board, deodorant, contact solution, and, oh yes, some sprinkles. They removed the sprinkles and my bag got the all clear. I don't know why these sprinkles would appear in bottle form through an x-ray machine (they come in a box), nor what about their constitution suggestions explosive or questionable properties, but I'm a little skeptical about eating them, even if my sister did bring me them all the way from the land of nether.

In more recent dopey news, a man took a picture of me with his iPad yesterday on the El. Not that it's a big deal so much as it's incredibly obvious when one does this. "Oh hey I'm just holding up my iPad for a second and pointing it towards you before I put it away. Was I taking a picture? No, come on, that's crazy, who would do that to a complete stranger standing on a not even moderately-packed train. You're not going to bother repeating this story are you? That would be more embarrassing for you than it would me."

Let's close August out with something fun. Too lazy to see if there is already a tumblr with captioned stock photos, I've put together the first entry based on searching servers on These are some great shots. And I'm sharing my search string because all I actually searched for was "server images." But since it's the internet, they need to autofilter for nudity. How presumptuous of them that I didn't want naked servers! The string :[]=Photography&exclude_nudity=true&nudity_checkbox_exists=1&entered_not_these_words_field=

And some great photos.
When the yellow cord connects and you press the "u" key we automatically become stylish and get ties.  Dude, it's kind of warm in this room. Shouldn't have pressed "u."

This server is protected by a fucking ninja. Or a gay cat-burglar ballerina...aka American Ninja.

Thankfully, god has helped serve the servers.

Oh man, this guy totally pitched a tent in the server room...hehehe.

That seems like too much already. Have a nice three-day weekend those of you that get it. And remember, Labor Day are just as good as other puns, there's no need for a vacation.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Serenity Sans Cyclists

Ah the bicycle, a wonderful invention, but then enters the rider of the bicycle. And because these riders of bicycles are regular people, not all of them are quite what I'm looking for in terms of etiquette and understanding. There are those who use the bicycle as tool of transport, and there are those who go a step further and enter the realm of cyclist. Within the realm of cyclist there is quite the range, from the geared-out guys and gals on their pricey road bikes, to the stereotypical hipster on his or her fixie. It doesn't matter what they look like though, it's the attitude. 

I run. At times this means sharing space occupied by pedestrians, by skateboarders and rollerbladers, folks on Segways (can the riders of Segways be called segues?), cars and — yes — cyclists. The sidewalk, the road, steps, grass, railroad tracks, shared lakefront paths. I'm naming but a few; the important part is the sharing.

The cyclist has angered me for some time, even before one ran into my leg and did [un]reasonable damage to my body. Before that event, on that very path (and hell I probably mention it there in that linked post), cyclists so frequently ride not just quickly, but closely. I do that inanimate objects. I hug the lane next to a parked car, shimmy between a parking box, an outdoor bench, in the name of not slowing down some sure, but also in the name of not obstructing anyone else.

Often I run in the bike lane in my neighborhood, but what abuts the bike lane is parking space. I'm always tensed, awaiting a comment so I can point out the distinction. Or note that cyclists sometimes ride two abreast and my running certainly occupied no more space than would this second cyclist. But the quickest point is always, "Ever ride your bike on a sidewalk?" This messes with shit far more than me running in the bike lane. Further, since many ignore other traffic rules —like, for instance, red lights — you'll just have to deal with my running opposite you in your lane. 

After all, there was a time when there was no bike lane...

Well there was plenty of other nonsense I might have mentioned but how about I let you know that loves my page. How do I know? They emailed me you silly geese! I get that messages like that one are sent in bulk, but I think it's funny considering my profile is quite barely developed. Why did AOL buy this up for $10 million again? I guess because that's like $10 for me, and I do buy some silly shit for that price.

In the meantime, I'll be jamming to this until I make myself sick, just like I did before...and I surely will do again. 

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Olympic Fallout

Three weeks of Olympics just doesn't cut it. Despite my skepticism and cynicism about drug-use in all sports, it's still a joy to watch most every event at the Olympics.

I also must note that, when I was bitching about Snowboarding being in the Winter Olympics and the Summer Olympics not having things like BMX (which I don't think it should), I turned on the TV to see BMX racing. Shows how much I know.

Inevitably some dopers are caught, and some are not, and some come up with the most fantastic excuses. Just a little EPO splashing up in the rainwater! There are plenty of rather hilarious excuses that athletes have been used over the years, and you can find several lists of these. One of my favorites was another distance runner, the German Dieter Baumann who claimed someone spiked his toothpaste

The thing is, I am sure there are some cases of sophisticated sabotage, but when they come at the same time as significant boosts in performance? Also, I don't exactly treat my body as a temple (depending on your definition of worship), but I'm pretty aware of what goes in there. Yeah, sure, maybe I don't know quite what Chicken McNuggets are made of, but close enough...Ignorance is diabetes and obesity...

Then there is the case of a certain Judo athlete testing positive for marijuana and being kicked out of the games. I guess Phelps never tested positive though there were shots of an enormous bong rip. Seems like some uneven jud[o]iciousness if you ask me. Such is life.

Before I roll on out of here, a quick shout out to my local post office. It's always pretty slow and interesting, not to mention aggravating, in there, but at least it's a shared misery. There's plenty more I could say, but I'd these Yelp reviews get it down pretty good. 

Au revoir.

Monday, August 6, 2012


As I've been tuning into the Olympics, I've been struck by the often ugly uniforms and that almost everyone on the track seems to be wearing the same yellow Nike spikes (granted the spike plates may be different, but from afar all of those uppers look the same). A better blogger might link a photo, but if you're watching the games, you've seen what I'm talking about. With the massive sponsorship by major corporations that takes place, I would think there would be a good deal of unique expression but perhaps because they are major players it results in the opposite: a merit[less]tocracy. The Men's 400m final will also be Merritt-less and, in fact, American-less, unusual for an event we generally dominate.

The Olympics was originally founded on amateurism, and certainly these days a great many of the athletes that participate, or certainly those that excel, are anything but. I am okay with this I think because it really does allow athletes to rise to another level of achievement. My gripe, however, is with the specialization of some of the events, and how it really bars many individuals, and whole countries even, from excelling at certain sports. Take swimming. You aren't gaining access to a high quality pool for hours a day if you're poor. This goes for tennis too, and anything equestrian. Now it's true that if a country focuses on a great many sports, the talent pool is diminished somewhat, but this is inevitable.

What Michael Phelps does and has done in the pool has been pretty amazing. He seems like a dick and I get annoyed when they flash the camera to his mother in the stands — I find her incredibly annoying. But I can separate performance from my perceived thoughts, even if I've heard second-hand that he's a dick and thus my thoughts there might move closer to verification than perception. I won't even make the point that I was starting too that, if many more people swam, things might get a lot more interesting than one guy asserting such heavy dominance. Instead, I'd just like TV coverage to focus a little more on some other sports, or some other athletes.

I get it, I'm watching TV in America, and the tendency is to show the events we excel at. Since the Olympics is meant to be a global event, why not show some other events we're unfamiliar with that could be interesting to watch? I'll even settle for not having Shaun White be interviewed during the men's trampoline event in gymnastics. Why is a completely niche performer (even by winter sport standards adding snowboarding was a stretch...on balance shouldn't skateboarding and BMX be in the Summer Olympics? EDIT: shortly after posting this, I saw BMX racing on TV) commenting on something he has no idea about? He even had the audacity to suggest that what they were doing was easier, because they could tuck their bodies tighter and thus maintain higher speed. I mean, they're doing something almost completely different, so please don't tell me that what you do is supposed to be harder or better...the men's trampoline champion is probably not going to jump on a snowboard and outperform Shaun White, but nor is Shaun White going to get on a trampoline and come anywhere close to their achievement.

Does anyone, even if they give a shit about Olympic Snowboarding, want to hear some dude who's good at it's uninformed opinion on a very tangentially related sport? Is that individual even tuned in to men's trampoline? Bob Costas tried to bring it in by asking if he'd done gymnastics when he was younger and that was as close as it got.

When there are a great number of commentators both knowledgeable and passionate about specific sports, why must we recycle the same heads that seem to have no specific knowledge about any of these events?

But it's cool, because amidst it all, just by sheer volume of coverage, great moments like Nathan Adrian's sincere excitement at victory and contagious joy trump moments like McKayla Maroney's Gold Medalist snub.

Also, if you can't recognize or acknowledge me in a bar when I am standing right next to you after we have met for some two or more hours, there's no need to send me an invitation to connect on LinkedIn. This is more than a suggestion. It is funny though. Hehe.
Thanks for stopping by…you stay classy Planet Earth.