There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sweet Tooth

If there's one thing about me, it's that i've got a hell of a sweet tooth. Actually, that probably isn't at the top of the list for "one thing about me," but I do have a hell of a sweet tooth. If there's one thing about me it's that, for whatever reason, I've been saying, "If there's one thing..." a Hell of a lot lately, with potentially no end in sight. Back on sweets, I've frightened obese people at casino buffets (and standard buffets) with my consumption and I've gotten some looks at the grocery store when I check out with four tubs of Edy's, a couple boxes of cereal and a two-liter of Dr. Pepper. My whole family is really down with sweets as well, and we've got some good bakers, so I often leave the holiday season like many other people: having overdone it. All of a sudden, a few months back, around March, and lasting until well into June (and perhaps beyond — could I qualify this sentence anymore?), my sweet tooth disappeared. I still consumed the periodic sweet but not with the voracity of days past.

I'm happy to say – because I know people were worried – that my sweet tooth is back. When Edy's is on sale for $2.49 it doesn't hurt either. But what I've really been fiending for lately, is cookies. There is probably a strong correlation with the fact that, while running Sunday afternoon, the scent of freshly baked cookies inexplicably wafted through downtown, even way over by the lake shore path. Also, post heavy boozing I think my body tends to crave more sweets due to the exposure to all of the sugars associated with alcohol. Oh, and then there's the 50 miles a week I've been running, which tends to send my body in search of those simple calories and simple joys. So strong was this compulsion that I ordered six cookies and two ice cream cones from McDonald's last night. "Could I get two McChickens..." The cashier looked at me and said "That's it?" Wanting to give into American overconsumption I said, "Oh, and two ice cream cones and six cookies — chocolate chip." She didn't ask if I needed anything else after that. I enjoyed dipping my cookies into my cones, but I confess I wish there were a Mrs. Field's storefront in close proximity.

When I woke up this morning, I was still craving cookies. I checked my email and immediately googled "cookies." Thanks to those featured links, Cheryl and Co popped up. Overpriced and fancily packaged, I was still thinking, "I should order myself a few dozen," and was reminded of how the Home Shopping Network and as-seen-on-TV products must clean up.

On a way more Jersey note, because I always like to stay in touch with the homeland, I read this article about Millburn High School's slut list. Millburn is a ritzy suburban Jersey town (we've got a lot of those) known for having the top-ranked public high school in the state and alumnus Anne Hathaway. Hathaway always struck me as a turd, but I've never met her and I try to be nicer these days. Hell, I'm sure plenty of people that see me as a stranger think I'm a turd. They might not be wrong.

In the interest of one of my other interests, namely booze, a friend recently linked over this 1990 GQ article on the drinking exploits of the late Ted Kennedy (among other things). While GQ is generally about 900 million pages of high-gloss ads, I'm periodically (oh the unintentional puns, sorry Maddox) alerted to some really solid interviews/biopics contained within. This goes on that list.

Finally, amidst a pretty excellent weekend of football viewing, there were these sideline gems that, of course, I was able to find just now with a quick youtubing. First, billionaire oilman and Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones picking his nose on national TV. Not much of a digger, but I'll take it! Far more amusing in my estimation was Bears' QB Jay Cutler having his helmet knocked off by a referee (skip ahead to ~20 seconds to catch it).

I am off to buy some produce and, let's be honest, probably some cookies as well...

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