There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Septimber is the sound of fall around the corner, the sound of moving in, and well timber is just falling too. Sep for right now.

I was going to be writing this yesterday evening but then my right flip-flop broke and my priorities shifted. I was de-thonged — ladies I now know how you feel — and met little sympathy as I walked the streets of downtown Chicago one flip-flop in hand. I don't know which one it was, but I am tempted to say it was the flop of the duo. As Walgreen's served me so well after my last pair of shit-flops was busted, I sought out another of these chains only to come up empty-handed and leave completely barefooted. With my asshole haircut and general Eurotrash appearance I believe many thought my barefoot status was purposefully imposed. So it goes.

Because I am often curious about trends and the pulse of this America and world that I, that we live in, I directed my web browser to youtube to see what the most viewed videos of all-time would be. Number one disgusted me slightly, which is a sign that, no matter my efforts, I hold on to some pretentiousness. I could save my fingers some trouble if they would go and make "pretention" a word.

Right, so number one, with in excess of 300 million views, was the Bieber. Sometimes he might get hit in the head with a water bottle but the kid is doing alright so I'm not really shedding a tear there. I have to say though, that when it comes to "Baby" I prefer this cover by the Neon Trees.

Honestly it wasn't that big of a shock to me that Bieber was number one, although 300 million views is a lot of views. No, the shock was seeing Vanessa Hudgens crack the top twenty with this vid. I didn't even know she made music and that has over 80 million views. Good gracious. But the string uniting them, besides both having sent nude photos on their phones to Zac Efron, is both of their videos prominently feature bowling alleys. Yes, bowling alleys. Is this some viral effort by a bowling consortium to attract over-sexed teens? I thought that was Chuck E. Cheese's job...

Anyway internet, it's been fun as sometimes. I need to write up a song parody and short story for my other blogs but the old "I am giving this shit away for free" gets me every now and then. So I'm saying you might have to settle for my mediocrity. And isn't that what America's all about?

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