There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A Word That Needs To Go

There isn't just one, but there's one on my mind right now, and it's awkward. No, having the word on my mind isn't awkward, the word on my mind is awkward. The actual word is awkward. Who's on first, anyway?

Awkward has become one of the most popular adjectives of the web 2.0 (or however far along we are alleged to be) lexicon and when I say web 2.0 I mean people are saying it all the time in real life. "Tee he hee, I'm so awkward." What's worse than just the use, is that it is used as badge, and not a shameful Scarlet Letter type of badge, but like a Boy Scouts of Motherfuckin' America Merit Badge. Newsflash: it's not an accomplishment. Related newsflash: saying "newsflash," not that cool.

But really, it's bandied about as if it incurs membership into some sort of club. And why do you want to be in that club? You know what might be awkward? Saying that you're awkward. Newsflash: it's not fun to be awkward, or fun to be around awkward people, especially if you are actually already awkward. The newsflashes are out of control here. Literally this word is getting as overused as literally. And I don't mean newsflash – but that too in this post – I mean awkward. I hear women using this line like they are trying to say they are cute without wanting to seem full of themselves. Giggle giggle "I'm so awkward," with a nice unspoken, "isn't that fucking adorable?"

Oh shit, newsflash again: it's not. Awkward moments happen, there is no denying that. But it's not only awkward moments that happen. Sure there are those clumsier folks, like Sandra Bullock in a romantic comedy with Ryan Reynolds, but that's a movie. Please folks, don't model your life after movies. Is it supposed to be awkward that I have seen that movie, and even sort of enjoyed it? Because I don't feel that way.

It's the basis of Michael Cera. It's recurrent in a lot of Judd Apatow. It can be funny. But it's not the only funny, and it's not a lifestyle to aspire to. No one ever uses awkward as a positive adjective to describe anyone else, and yet they're going and trying to use it as a positive adjective to describe themselves. Has this grown awkwardly long?

So my advice if you're using awkward all the time, is to pick up a dictionary, and then hit yourself in the face with it. Because not everyone learns from reading.

And we all know the best way to effect change is to blog about it.

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