There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

I Need To Go #4…Bad…

Lately I feel as if I've been seeing a whole shitload of those McDonald's billboards with the catchphrase "I Need a #4. Bad." I don't know what actually constitutes a number four, be it burger, be it chicken, but I can tell you that all I can think of when I see it is, "They were very adamant about not choosing number one or number two for this ad." I can't believe I never thought of it before when I've gone into a McDonald's, or any other fast food type establishment sporting a numbered menu for that matter. "Can I have a number one?" Sure, coming right up, all over your face. Don't even think about asking for a number two. Actually, then they might just serve you Indian food. That's no knock on Indian food, though, I love Indian food, it's just that it looks a lot like what it's going to look like when you're done eating it, before you've even eaten it. In other words, poop or, more to the point, liquid poop, affectionately termed diarrhea. I'll resist the urge to mention the term "gripe" yet again, although I suppose by mentioning that I'm resisting the urge I really haven't resisted it at all. But back to Mickey D's, right. When I see those billboards, I can't help but wish someone would tag them to read "I Need To Go #4…Bad," preferably "gotta go" for it's alliterative flair. What would number four be then…I'm thinking when a number two goes from solid, to liquid, to clear jelly. If you don't know what I'm getting at, you obviously have much healthier bowels than myself.

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