There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Five Rings for Patriotism

If there's ever a time to get me feeling particularly patriotic, it's the Olympics. I enjoy the Olympics so much that I start referring to teams and athletes from our country as "we." This is fairly common in sport, but I try to avoid it because, let's face it, I'm not part of the team. However, a case must always be made for the fans and their impact. Would athletics exist without fans? Sure, but not on nearly the level.

Anyway, that requires a little more discussion that I'm not in the mood for, so why not go right to Michael Phelps. Dude is an absolute beast. Again, this is obvious but, for whatever reason I never was all too into Michael Phelps. Now I've got a 106° full-fledged Phelps fever. And I'll further admit that the NBC humanizing introspective on his eating gargantuan quantities (as well as a shot of a box of Honey Smacks...which are actually inferior to Pathmark Brand frosted puffed wheat, but no matter...) only made me like him more.

So, like many of the rest of you I hope, I have been tuning into every Olympic event possible. Are there a few sports I don't see as belonging in the Olympics? Most certainly, but that's for corrupt committees to decide, not me. I will say this as well - for as much fun as it is to watch scored events, you are just opening up one ugly ass can of worms. Maybe if I understood the scoring systems a little more it would help, but it never sits quite right with me.

And I can't mention scored events without citing gymnastics and, more importantly, crazy-as-batshit Bela Karolyi. This guy is totally off his gourd, along with his wife Martha, and they are the only thing that detracts slightly from my rooting for the home team in gymnastics. Thank goodness they have lovable fourth chipmunk Shawn Johnson. If she should decide she wants some mystery-solving adventures after gymnastics, she can always join Chip 'N Dale. But seriously, Bela and Martha seem to run a bit of a frightening cult, even if it might not be as worrisome as the Chinese athletic system practice of removing prospective athletes from their families almost entirely to live in training facilities. But hey, again, that's for the big boys in places like the government to decide. You know, people like President Bush...

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