There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Groundhog Day

I knew I just wouldn't feel right if I didn't get in a Groundhog Day post. If I end up repeating myself at all over the course of this writing, it will only be a bonus.

My strongest memories of Groundhog Day are of The Today Show, watching Willard Scott from Punxsutawney, PA, where he would view the famed Punxsutawney Phil. Interestingly, in reading P. Phil's wiki entry he took the year off in 1943 on account of WWII. Seeing as how that war was fought for several other years, why he chose only to take that year off, I don't know. More importantly though, in reading Willard Scott's wiki, I discovered that he was the creator of Ronald McDonald. Apparently this came to light in that flick Super Size Me, but as with a lot of movies these days, I never saw it. Scott also portrayed Ronald, but was replaced when his fleshy body was deemed harmful to Mickey D's precious image.

At the risk of this precious (damnit, there's that word again) intellectual property being stolen, I feel it's the time to share a Groundhog-themed joke concocted by my good buddy Max and I while living in Hawaii. We'd only been there a couple of weeks, but the island had already taken it's effect when we decided upon a strong (in our compromised estimation) comic strip type effort. During the Winter, people tend to tub up a bit. This is okay because, not being in a warm climate, they aren't exposing too much skin. Plus, the additional meat keeps you that much toastier. Of course, in preparation for Spring, all sorts of diet plans and/or tanning need be undertaken as preparation for that following glorious season of Summer. Now, I would not have gone to the trouble of explaining this if I'd simply illustrated the cartoon already, but since I haven't, well, I did. Follow? Plus, explaining your jokes makes them much funnier.

So the Groundhog, a rotund creature in general, would emerge from his hole and look down to discover, to his dismay, that he couldn't not see his prized family possessions. The caption reads, "Uh oh, six more weeks of dieting." Now, I happen to not like The New Yorker, cartoons and otherwise, but we thought this would go well in there. In fact, I'm going to draw that shit tonight and mail it on over. Okay, I won't, but I could. Also, in 2010 I might try reading the New Yorker again.

Something else I don't like, but in a much more intense way, is Ann Coulter. She falls into that category of people that I am still trying to figure out how they became famous. Of course, for all that I might not like Coulter, I actually think she is pretty intelligent. I am not sure what her true beliefs or motivations for her terrible terrible points of view are, perhaps she is just milking it all the way to the bank. I had forgotten about Ann for a while until something recently reminded me of the tirade she went on when Michael J. Fox did a political ad promoting stem cell research to help find a cure for his affliction, Parkinson's Disease. Rush Limbaugh, another right-wing windbag, also chimed in for that bit of course. How these and other famous blowhards manage to to maintain employment is astonishing and a bit frightening to me.

Foolishly I burned close to an hour today watching Ann Coulter videos, with the accompanying commentary of those supporting her more infuriating than Ann herself. But infuriating people like me is surely one of, if not the sole aim, of Coulter's remarks. I'd sort of like someone to speak to her like Christian Bale when a lighting man walks onto the set during filming, but somehow I think an Al Franken response achieves so much more. Puts the theatre d'absurd in a whole new light for me.

Soon I'll discuss my efforts to create a book that teaches the art (or handicap, however you view it) of puns, witticisms, and wordplay. Actually, shit, I probably won't...but I might. Either way, Larry Fitzgerald is amazing.

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