There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Seeing as how tonight was the first night of Passover, I was all set to title up my entry "Matzoh Do About Nothing," when I got this eerie feeling of déjà vu. So I looked back to around this time last year to see what I would have titled a Passover entry (because I knew I'd have a Passover entry) and bam, that was the title. Things to take away include: being original is difficult, and I probably haven't changed all that much in a year.

One thing I've long thought of but perhaps not mentioned in this specific blog is the mystery of matzoh. Now the story behind matzoh is that, in their haste to leave Egypt, the Jews could not wait for the bread to rise. The only flaw in this cute little tale is that, if you actually make bread dough and do not allow it to rise fully and put it in the oven, matzoh is not the result. From the wiki it states:

Matza dough is quickly mixed and rolled out without an autolyse step such as might be used in leavened breads. Most forms are docked with a fork or a similar tool to keep the finished product from puffing in the same manner as a tortilla or pita bread, and the resulting flat piece of dough is cooked at high heat until it develops dark spots, then set aside to cool (and, if sufficiently thin, to harden to crispness).

In there you will note the specific actions taken to create matzoh's distinctive "shitty cracker" consistency. I mean, honestly, eating some matzoh for a week is hardly a chore in comparison to the suffering and oppression of the tale of Passover, but it doesn't change the fact that the production of matzoh is oddly devised — contrived if you will — and commercialized.

This year matzoh is the object of my Passover cracks.

Anyway, I'm actually a bit out of steam and riding a low after discovering who Justin Bieber is. As usual I am only more of the problem by continuing to mention such individuals. Give the people what they want. And if the choice is matzoh or Bieber, I will take matzoh every time. But as always, don't forget the most important part of Passover: Borei Pre Hagafen. Pour some out for your homie Elijah.

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