Pursuit of Cleanliness

Well aw shit, I nearly didn't make it to a fourth entry this month. September came and went so quickly it appears and I find myself less than content with the volume of content I have created, on and off this blog.

One thing I did finally do is kick off a podcast with a chum of mine. We're found under the moniker RyeBread Radio, and you can listen to it here if you've got some time to kill. Co-host (he's really more the host) Akeem does all the editing, so as he sifts through the content, episodes should pop up. Edit: you can also listen/follow the show on ryebreadradio.tumblr.com

Something really on my mind is how dope this Lissie cover of Kid Cudi's Pursuit of Happiness. The remix of that was already high on my like list, but man, Lissie just crushes it. Timing for each is dependent on mood. Steve Aoki gets you amped, Lissie's is just rife with emotion.



Anyway, while we're on the topic of kick-ass female artists, y'all should stroll on over to bandcamp and get your hands on Kelly McFarling's album. It's all good and stuff. See you 'round the internet and stuff mothertruckers...

Edit: right as I was publishing this I heard of a sad loss for the comic community (and probably the world), comedian Greg Giraldo. The celebrity OD thing appears to be epidemic these days...RIP Mr. Giraldo...

From the Hip to the Knee

When I began this here blog I was never to be found in coffee shops. This had much to do with the fact that I did not drink coffee, but there were additional influences that included a cynicism with the clientele that went beyond healthy and fell into the category of disdain. As much fun as it is to write off huge chunks of the population without getting to know any of them, even that can get old. And since I am quite certain my physical appearance invites the ire of many onlookers sometimes you've got to judge not lest ye be judged.

For this past year the coffee house really has become my good friend. I have a special place in my heart for The Noble Tree. As it describes, it is a three-story old brownstone, and the folks that work there are all excellent humans. Or they were the last time I checked, as now that I have shifted neighborhoods I cannot make it out there with the frequency I would prefer. If I ever become a published author I will go back and leave them better tips. The other establishments I shall make mention of are houses, but only The Noble Tree was my home.

What I dug, and dig, about The Noble Tree was its very unpretentious nature. Sometimes I think it is pretentious of me to call things pretentious because I can't possibly know about all whether their talents be real or illusory. Affecting greater knowledge than one has, you know? This goes back to ideas of cynicism and jadedness and I had better stop. But certainly both Filter and The Wormhole fit the bill if you are someone that uses that p-word. The latter features a Delorean inside as well as a working original NES. The verbiage of their blog might be a bit much to take as well. But oh shit, if you don't like it, you don't have to go. I do like it, both of them, and Alliance Bakery as well. And the people that work at all of them? Jolly and delightful.

See I have this little dream to one day have a coffee house of my own. In the evenings it will be a bar and it will host all sorts of events because that is the shit that really matters. So I keep that little dream around and even if I can't live it I kind of put part of it into some writing that may never see the light of day but if you don't think it can happen, what's the gosh darn point?

This post got a little more fruit-tastic than I was expecting, but I didn't really have specific intentions when I began writing, it just seemed as if the time was write. You know what's not right? That I think I have to point out that last typo was intentional. It's a bit of assholery I can't escape from. Will they know? Will they get the joke? Maybe my joke is the problem.

But shoot, my dream of having a normally functioning knee once again is slowly becoming a reality so fingers and toes are crossed and wood is being knocked upon, which makes typing a challenge of sorts but it is worth it. What I can't seem to cross is paths with Jenny Lewis. I think we'd get along great, so long as I don't run into Lindsay first.

And now I know this is my blog, but really that's quite enough about me. Keep [r]eating, I'll see you 'round...

It's the Thrill of the Chase

I happened to log into my Chase bank account on the internet today to find that two charges of $159.99 had been made to a website I had never heard of. This website turned out only to do billing and credit card processing. When I called to inquire they said that the charges were for a pornographic website I had not heard of. I didn't know that people still paid for porn these days, but I have to say that $319.98 is a lot of porn.

Chase proved to me once again they are an absolute dogshit worthless bank based on the interaction I had with them. Not only would I have to dispute these charges myself which, to be honest, isn't that big of a deal, but I would have to transfer funds manually to avoid a minimum balance. Really? Yes, if they did it for me it would be, I believe, $40 or whatever it is they charge for overdrafts. Yes, overdrafts because of charges I did not make. In fact they had already begun some bogus transaction for me. The billing company on the other hand had, by the time I called, already refunded my account. They likely realized based on my last name that I was a Jew and would never pay for something I could get for free.

Other than that, I have to pee. Tea really does that to me. Hope y'all had a wonderful labor day weekend.

Septimber

Septimber is the sound of fall around the corner, the sound of moving in, and well timber is just falling too. Sep for right now.

I was going to be writing this yesterday evening but then my right flip-flop broke and my priorities shifted. I was de-thonged — ladies I now know how you feel — and met little sympathy as I walked the streets of downtown Chicago one flip-flop in hand. I don't know which one it was, but I am tempted to say it was the flop of the duo. As Walgreen's served me so well after my last pair of shit-flops was busted, I sought out another of these chains only to come up empty-handed and leave completely barefooted. With my asshole haircut and general Eurotrash appearance I believe many thought my barefoot status was purposefully imposed. So it goes.

Because I am often curious about trends and the pulse of this America and world that I, that we live in, I directed my web browser to youtube to see what the most viewed videos of all-time would be. Number one disgusted me slightly, which is a sign that, no matter my efforts, I hold on to some pretentiousness. I could save my fingers some trouble if they would go and make "pretention" a word.

Right, so number one, with in excess of 300 million views, was the Bieber. Sometimes he might get hit in the head with a water bottle but the kid is doing alright so I'm not really shedding a tear there. I have to say though, that when it comes to "Baby" I prefer this cover by the Neon Trees.

Honestly it wasn't that big of a shock to me that Bieber was number one, although 300 million views is a lot of views. No, the shock was seeing Vanessa Hudgens crack the top twenty with this vid. I didn't even know she made music and that has over 80 million views. Good gracious. But the string uniting them, besides both having sent nude photos on their phones to Zac Efron, is both of their videos prominently feature bowling alleys. Yes, bowling alleys. Is this some viral effort by a bowling consortium to attract over-sexed teens? I thought that was Chuck E. Cheese's job...

Anyway internet, it's been fun as sometimes. I need to write up a song parody and short story for my other blogs but the old "I am giving this shit away for free" gets me every now and then. So I'm saying you might have to settle for my mediocrity. And isn't that what America's all about?

When Life Gives You Lemons...

You'd better hope you don't have a bizarre citrus allergy. Otherwise, it's probably a good way to stave off scurvy. Do you Vitamin C what I'm talking about?

So devoted reader — and by that I mean that one person that reads this blog, namely me, not google reader, which I don't really use because I don't check enough news sites and blogs; I should, I really should, but man there is a ton of shit out there. As always I rely on the human internet (which I have made mention of in this very blog on probably more than one occasion) for the bulk of my news. Thank the potential dude upstairs for that — I'm seated in my skivvies watching Shaq Vs and he is having a showdown with Rachael Ray. That aside was pretty lengthy, even by my standards. So in a sense, things have come full circle then, as when I first started up this blog, a decent quantity of the fuel came from a dislike of Ray. But then I softened as I tend to, especially, as I noted way back in said day, upon realizing the degree to which so many disliked her. Watching Rachael cook up burgers with Shaq I judged that she is looking as if life has been hard on her these last three years, and the bubbly effervescence (redundant, but how I love that) seems to be more forced and wearing than ever. It can be hard being up all the time. So though it can be boring being nice, I hope life isn't giving you lemons Rachael or, if it is, that you have a deep-rooted love of citrus.

As usual there were some things and also stuff that I intended to cover in here but I don't remember what most of them are and I'm pretty sleepy. Before I expire I will take note of what I think is a somewhat creepy aspect of Blackberry's messenger app aka BBM (which I would priorly have deemed an abbreviation for big bowel movement) and that is confirmation a sent message has been read. It seems great knowing whether a message you have sent has been delivered and read, but do we really need complete transparency in everything in life? How about people are just honest and we trust them instead? Except that there will always be sociopaths. Whatever, not really that big a deal.

A deal I consider perhaps larger is the presence of typographical errors in this CBS news report on Obama's vacationing. I wish I never made any such errors because it comes across a tad hypocritical to judge the very errors one makes. Still, the folks who do this are paid. Bogus.

Exhibit A:
Critics say all his should be on the dire economy and the plight of average Americans. I assume the word "attention" was meant to be inserted betwixt "his" and "should." Yes, I said "betwixt."

Exhibit B:
Presidents, thought, are never truly on vacation. Here we see another small error of "thought" in place of "though." If it was Bush, it might be possible they meant "President's thoughts are never truly on vacation," were they, for instance, trying to attest that Bush was not aloofly out-to-lunch on many topics. It would be weird to refer to the president as simply "president," but it would alter the voice of the piece to that of shorthand, that kind of staccato pacing a la a telegram. That was a lot of qualifications and vagaries. I shall cease typing on this topic now.

So these simple typos and omissions are relatively commonplace but we all have our pet peeves right? I ain't even no editor. Anyway, sleep is in order. Cheerio bitches.

8-9-10

As in today is August 9, 2010. That won't happen for another century folks. Of course, you can say the same thing about 8/8/10, 8/10/10 and, well, you get the idea.

There were definitely some things and also some stuff that I meant to talk about but my brain is operating slowly. For me, diminished physical activity leads to a good degree of decreased mental activity.

I was lucky enough to attend Lollapalooza this weekend with roughly 239,999 other people. That is not meant as sarcasm, because the crowd is part of the quality of the experience. I always find that sort of outdoor festival deal pretty exhausting, all the more this time round as I continue to hobble about like a dipshit. I don't really know that dipshits hobble, but this one does.

In general it just reminded me of the good that results from saying yes to things. Like a young couple complimenting me on my mismatched shoes. Like the teenage kid with the water bottle full of cheap vodka trying to stay standing. Like the droves of folks dodging traffic, hopping an eight-foot fence, then sprinting through a VIP section to hop one more eight-foot fence. Shit's always more fun when you sneak in.

I was surprised at the crowd for Mumford and Sons, not because they don't kick ass (because they do) but because I had no idea they were, well, so popular. That was mildly redundant, to put it mildly, but that's kind of my thing. Hard not to like "Little Lion Man."

But because nobody likes it when people are overly positive (let's face it, it's annoying because no one should ever be that happy right?) I can briefly reference my completely unfounded dislike for actor Jesse Eisenberg, reminders stemming from a sighting of said person outside Second City the other day.

But since I could really give a shit about that guy, for a true negative (but also not a negative because it's a digital photo) here's a shot of the retarded bruise on the back of my leg. For a week or more there I couldn't figure out how it was that a bike ran into me at top speed and I had no mark to show for it. Well no more. Thanks delayed bruising.



Next year we can all look forward to 9/10/11.

Cuanto Cuesta?

Last night I had the strangest dream and it involved a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats. There was never any mystery about what percent milk I would need...It really wasn't that strange, but the only detail I remember was the bowl sitting there on my kitchen counter, on an inexorable march toward sogginess.

This entry's going to be rather link-heavy, so apologies if that bothers you, and your welcome if that's your sort of thing. Now the following apparently took place some time ago, but since it was pointed out to me only a couple of days ago, I will share it with you all. It is an incident of what I consider to be clear cheating an episode of Price is Right. I used to watch this show pretty religiously in the summer, in middle school in particular. It was my reason to awake by 11am. Drew Carey as a host is tough to take. I really think they should have handed the job off to me. I could use the money a little more than dear old Drew, but then so could a lot of people.

The next links are kind of my favorite and are all courtesy of my buddy Tom. In the late 1970s, there was no Nintendo Wii, and there was no internet for porn, so those things had to be combined. There was the Atari 2600 and, thanks to the folks at Mystique, a perfect trifecta of outrageous pornographic concept games:



Bachelor Party



Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em



Custer's Revenge

I won't bother to summarize those or anything since wikipedia covers it in quite excellent fashion. "Custer's Revenge" is definitely my favorite, as it is closest to the absurdity and hilarity dating back to when a buddy of mine was sent an Oregon Trail -inspired pornographic story. Inspiration doesn't do it justice, as the format was adopted pretty accurately. There I was thinking the girl who had written it was a pioneer...

To close out I just have to remark on a couple of song similarities that my ear has picked up on in the last day or two. Feel free to agree or disagree. The first is the clear influence of Hall and Oates's "You Make My Dreams Come True" on the Ducktales theme. Though Hall and Oates came first from what I know, I still give the point to Ducktales.

After that, take a moment to observe the common riffs between Morrissey's "First of the Gang to Die" and Yellowcard's "Inside Out." Point
Morrissey.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...