There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I Don't Care About the Emmy's

Probably since the eighth grade, when I made continual Simpsons references, people have been assuming I watch a lot of television. This never was, and continues not to be, the case. The simple fact was that I had, and have, a high retention rate for what I do watch. This includes ads for television shows I've never actually seen. If you pay reasonable attention to these alone, you'll end up with a pretty good idea of what's going on. That said, these days I have a hard time watching any programs on a routine basis. I avoided Lost for a long time, and after catching up on the first two seasons, I committed myself to the third. Unfortunately it seems doomed to the same fate of many television series: carry on for one to five seasons too many. Nothing beats a dead horse like the entertainment industry. I don't actually remember how many Friday the Thirteenth films were created, but at least ten, to go along with six or so Nightmares on Elm Street, and a collaboration picture. If a film is called Final Destination, doesn't the title suggest that it is the last one? I know what the premise is, I saw the film, and part of the third, but stay with me while I bitch. It's the horror and scary film variety where they seem to delight most in this practice and thankfully they did decide that no one cares what these kids did last summer any more.

I'm really only scratching the surface here, but I am going to return to television since my original point was to reference last night's Emmy Awards. No, I didn't watch them, but yes I watched part of Access Hollywood while I washed the dishes before eating dinner, which obviously focused on the Emmy's. Among the winners was Katherine Heigl of Grey's Anatomy. Heigl's real claim to fame is being my celebrity bizarro according to Count it. Grey's joined Lost as the only shows I managed to keep up with last season, with both perhaps to be removed soon. Maybe it says something about me as a person, but after a while I just don't care anymore. The first 1.5 seasons of Grey's I was an avid fan, going so far as to be that annoying guy talking it up to his friends, but if last season is any indication, it plans to leave the McShitty path well-trodden. Lost is looking better, but not by much. I was once a huge X-Files fan, but Lost looks as if they're going to make the same mistake, and stretch out the conspiracy and puzzle a little (or a lot) too long. There's a fine line between suspense and "frankly I don't give a shit any more." I'm just hoping these two ABC shows will call it quits soon and keep the quality high.

But it's always easy to be the critic and, as usual, all of these folks are smiling on their way to the bank. I just hope that a couple will try to maintain some integrity and not milk their show for all it's worth or, if not, maybe leave their atm card behind like people keep doing when I am in the bank. Plus, for all of my orneriness surrounding TV shows, a lot has to do with my mood when I first see an episode. Also, the syndication of shows is brilliant, as I became a fan of The King Of Queens and yes, even the occasional Friends viewing, while watching re-runs. That said, a short list of shows that I kind of like, those that I'll probably watch, and those that are likely to be well-rated on the Nielsen scale (translation: I don't really like). No one is likely to give a shit, so good thing this is my blog.

Kind of Like:
Everybody Hates Chris: Finally saw a couple of episodes. Likable show.
Tell Me You Love Me: I don't have HBO, but if I did I would watch this. Depressing meets softcore porn.
Top Chef: I hate Padma. I think that's her name. I haven't seen it in a while, but if Casey wins I'll be pissed.
House: Never get to watch it, but I've always been a big Hugh Laurie fan. Great comedian, and apparently can do drama.
Boston Legal: Never watch this either, and it's pretty weird, but also pretty damn good. Dig Past-tense-of-shit-ner.
The Office: Steve Carrell is amazing, John Krasinski is just so likable, and the guy that plays Dwight is hilarious. Actually, everyone on this show is pretty damn good.
My Name is Earl: Hard to lose with Jason Lee, at least if it's Mallrats or Mumford, or even this show sometimes.

Watch List:
These shows I like less, but am probably likely to watch more. Doesn't make sense to me either.
Lost: How much longer will I stay tuned in, I can't say. I followed the OC to it's poopie end. History could repeat itsself.
Grey's Anatomy: See Lost. They might have to banish the title character.
Las Vegas: I'm not going to watch it, but I figured it fits more here than on my like list.
The Hills: If you have a tv with MTV and it's raining, let the rain fall…
Laguna Beach I think it's called Newport Beach now, or something to that effect, and the above lyrics apply here. Watching these kids makes me want to stab myself in the brain. As above, will watch if in front of an MTV-equipped television.

Nielsen Champs:
Actually Lost and Grey's probably apply, but I sort of like them.
Heroes: Intrigued at first, but didn't grab me. I wish they would just bring back the X-men cartoon from the 90s. Once overheard a guy in a Dunkin Donuts saying, "What am I gonna do tonight? Heroes isn't on." Maybe what you did before the show existed.
CSI: Certainly dig this show, but I fear they're running out of cool story lines.
Desperate Housewives: I think this show gets high ratings. Watched about eleven seconds once. No thanks.
Deal or No Deal: I also think this show gets high ratings. Yet to see it. Howie looks scary. Heard they might bring back Bobby's World.
Survivor: CBS. I have always hated this show.
The Amazing Race: I really just have a hard time watching shows on CBS.
Two and a Half Men: Allegedly the top-rated comedy. Again, CBS. People think this show is funny? See also: Everybody Loves Raymond.
American Idol: Simon Cowell is one rich man.

And that's where I have to call it a day. I've realized my compiled lists are pretty shoddy, and don't follow any sort of real guidelines, and that there are an awful lot of shows I have, and will leave out. Also, I don't know why they made a whole television show based around the Geico cavemen, where the premise of the humor is based around quick, one-liner-esque and non-sequitur humor. A final prediction is that whatever network and individuals created Kid Nation should be sent directly to Hell. Oh wait, surprise, it's CBS. I swear I'm not really a negative, hateful, bastard of a man.

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