There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Paul Bunyan

About a week ago, maybe even a fortnight, my dad was talking about classic candies, back when penny candy meant that it actually cost one cent. In fact, some things were as cheap as three for a penny. It got me thinking about my own favorite candies of youth, one of which, in particular, seems to have become extinct: my beloved Johnny Apple Treats. As a child my mother used to bring myself and my siblings ice skating down in Old Bridge, NJ. Though I was not entirely averse to skating, the most enjoyable part, to me, was soft pretzels and Johnny Apple Treats. If you clicked the above link you'll see that Johnny is from the Ferrara Pan family of candies, genus specification of Lemonhead and friends. Sadly the novel names of many of these candies have fallen on bland days, all simply given the ____head designation according to specific artificial flavor. Johnny is now simply "Applehead," and Alexander the Grape reduced to Grapehead. Cherry Chan became Cherry Clan before succumbing to, surprise surprise, Cherryhead. And while I have an adequate candy knowledge myself, it is clearly trumped by the afore-linked Candywrapper Museum which made me sad that I had missed such gloriously racist candies as Peppermint Coolies.

The point of that all was simply that Johnny Apple Treats were the bomb and I wonder if I were to track down some Appleheads if they would prove as delicious today. If I order them through the internet, the answer is certainly no.

Also last week I happened to see the new Bob Saget HBO special. I only caught the last half, but really thought it was hilarious at the time. For anyone who might catch it on demand, I'll present the disclaimer that I was slightly intoxicated and very over-tired while watching it, but regardless it was about the most uncontrollably I'd laughed in quite some time. Outside of Full House, Saget is known for his extremely vulgar and crude humor, and having never seen him do stand-up outside of a brief cameo in The Aristocrats, I can say that he certainly lives up to that assessment. As for The Aristocrats, perhaps it was the state of mind I was in while watching the film, but I really didn't find it to be very funny at all.

Anyway, I really only brought up Saget so I could post this picture of fellow Full House cast member Dave Coulier.

Of all the possible inspirations for Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know, I think Dave puts the best face on it.

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