There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Shitcan Ramalamadingdong

I can't help disliking the New England Patriots, and today's victory over Indianapolis didn't help, but it really didn't ruin my day because the Bills won for the third straight week. Far more important than win-loss records, we have Tom Brady's head. Everyone has to take at least one bad picture, and so I decided to stick up one of good old Tom where his head looks quite out of proportion.

There are plenty of other pictures of Tom looking silly, but I thought this one took the cake. I'm sure the inordinately large upper part of his cranium can be accounted for by his large brain. Hell the guy's a stud on and off the field, even if I could complete a pass with that offensive line, so please no mention that I'm taking a cheap shot. A celebrity or athlete that can't take criticism is akin to a recreational runner (a category I sometimes fall into) calling it quits the first time someone calls him a faggot. Also, the daily readership to this blog is probably less than Brady's net worth (in millions), so why should he care? One thing you won't find in the blog is me thinking anyone gives a shit about my opinions.

While it's commonplace for people like Tom to be photographed by absolute strangers, it happens far less often for me so I'm going to document the three or so times it has happened. Since the most recent occurrence was just about a week ago, I'll start there and then we can take it to back in the day. So there I was, walking through the streets of New York City on a Tuesday evening, when I came to a crosswalk where a lady had a video camera. Whenever people are taking photos or video I do my best not to get in the picture just because I know I'd appreciate it if they did the same for me. So that's exactly what I did as I noticed myself in her field of vision only, as I did so, the camera moved with me. I thought it was coincidence until I moved again and, again, so did the camera. Google might be videotaping me everywhere I go and my cell phone might be tracking my position with GPS, but strangers videotaping you, that is downright invasive.

The next most recent incident involves my running down the Charles River about two years ago on an unseasonably warm Christmas day. I just checked my running log as proof, showing the temperature at a balmy 48° which, in retrospect, was probably too cold to not be wearing a shirt. So the story. Not much. As I ran down the Chuck, a lady in a group of about five, with a video camera, took video of me as I ran by. The group had an air of foreign tourism, but I don't know how that is at all relevant or validates my choosing to tell this story.

The first incident I recall, could be the most boring yet, and took place in nearby Highland Park as I ran down Route 27. It was evening and I was again shirtless, although this time it was Jersey summer and thus actually balmy. As I ran into oncoming traffic to avoid a crowded sidewalk, a girl leaned out of her car to snap a shot. Yup, that's it. Once I started this idiocy, I figured I had to finish it.

Lastly I wanted to bring up the trend of combining words but I'm a bit too tired to do it justice. It really all started with an early episode of the OC that merged words to give us the interfaith holiday Chrismukkah. Now the OC may not have credited itself for inventing this word, but it did make me want to vomit the way it was eaten up, spawning Old Navy commercials and the like. Hell, since my childhood I'd been calling it Chanumas, which I think has a much smoother flow and, trust me, I never thought I was remotely clever for doing this. I should note that countless others likely came up with the same damn thing. Those recent AT&T commercials are what reminded me of the plague I had hoped had receded to simply the realms of gossip columns concerned with the goings on of Bennifer (one "n" or two), Brangelina, and the like. Damn, I said "and the like" again. Too tired to correct it. I wonder if people get exclusive rights for such idiocy. How about GwenGavin StefRoss for Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale since it sounds like Glengary Glenn Ross? I agree, sounds like shit. But I'll tell you right now, if Tom knocks up Gisele repeatedly, yielding a family of six (six pertaining to children/miniature humans, making for a total of eight if parents are to be included), I have full copyright of the term BradyBundchen (©Me 11/5/2007 1:35am).

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