There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Suckway: Eat Shit

Man, Jared and the rest of the Subway crew have foiled me again. As many that know me know, I am no fan of Subway. I am sure, in fact, that I have routinely stated that several past Subway excursions would be "my last." I sure hope I come through on that after today's experience.

Maybe most people don't have reliable local sandwich shops in their area, but I can't help but wonder why anyone would ever go to Subway. I continue to feel that maybe I just have bad luck with the place, but here are a few of my problems: 1) fresh-baked bread is none so fresh; 2) quality of ingredients at or below medium; 3) small quantity of said ingredients. It's true, I should really have just learned my lesson by now, and I'm sure the large order of fries from Five Guys didn't help, but damnit, I'm feeling too ill at the moment to simply ignore it.

To point number one, there isn't much to elaborate on: maybe Subway bread is good when fresh, but it never seems to be fresh when I order it. To the second point, I simply don't find the punch in the ingredients hiding inside my less-than-fresh bread. To top it off, I don't even get a lot of said ingredients. It reminds me of an episode of Tiny Toons where they were making fun of Roseanne Barr and she utters the line, "this food is so bad, and such small portions." I am dangerously skirting that here, but my feeling is that, at $7+ for a sandwich, I should either a) enjoy the food, b) get a lot of food, or ideally c) both. The thing is, since I keep succumbing to Subway, albeit about bi-annually, I can't even fault anyone else for going there. Dear Diary, I pledge no more Subway as I feel like vomiting after eating a Chicken Parm sandwich that was lukewarm and had marinara sauce siphoned from the meatball bath. My choice of sandwich could have been my downfall, but illness has befallen me at the hands of plain turkey and sweet onion teriyaki as well (I have an unadventurous Subway palette).

On the plus side it reminded me of Tiny Toons and brought to mind this video for They Might Be Giants' "Istanbul." Also, I was reminded of this Indian movie I was an extra in a few years back, which starred Ahsaas Chana, a young girl portraying a young boy. Apparently things with this child actor are not peachy keen (first story on link).

Anyway, I'm going to go continue feeling sick. Take care.

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