There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

You Can Be a Model; You Can Be Murdered

With the economy as it is and unemployment continually on the rise, it warms the hearts of citizens like myself to read about the record bonuses being given out on Wall Street this year. Positively delightful. If they want to set aside a cool billion for me and my homies, maybe I'd complain a little less. It's always a question: if I had a shit-ton money would I feel the same? I'd probably feel some compulsion to do something socially responsible with it. While I spent my time researching a worthy endeavor or organization, I'd be keeping most of that money under my mattress.

I'm certainly not in as economically dire straits as so many in this country and around the globe but I'm still attracted by the quick buck. So I'll find myself periodically responding to craigslist modeling scams, and it is responses like this that make it entirely worth it:


Good to read from you. It is a great opportunity you have just drawn close to yourself. I must make you understand that I have been a professional photographer and a publisher for the past 7yrs and now I am working in the industry to gain more ground as a model agent.

It is a print job for the late year 2009 and It will be good if you share in this great opportunity as we all know that the best of life is the one shared.

The location for the shoot will be an indoor location and it will not be disclosed to you until we have reach a certain agreement but do not be disturbed as you would not have to travel.

Please take proper note of the following details:
· Your pay for this assignment is $1000 by the end of the shoot.
· The shoot date will be on 17th of October.
· The name and address of the studio to be used for the shoot will be disclosed to you after we reach a certain agreement and before the date of the shooting.
· We will take care of your make-up or make-over because we have professional specialist ready to take good care of that because we want a completely unique shoot.
· You are allowed to come along to the shoot with anybody of your choice on the day of the shooting, your mum, dad, friend, body-guard anybody you wish to come with just to make you feel comfortable but not more than one person is allowed as your escort.
· You will have 6 different fashion outfits to cover and all these outfits will be provided by our client on the day of shoot. The types of clothing will be Shirts, Suits, Jacket, Jean, Beach & Night Gowns (Note: There is no nudity in this shoot).
· You must be 17years or above.
· You must posses a very strong interpersonal skill (This is very important)..
· You must be worthy of trust.
Our client's name is Mrs. Katrine Miller and her Magazine’s name is "KATEAUS IMAGE" and here is her website as a designer

As i already mentioned, your pay for the jobs is $1,000 and the shoot will only last for 6hours starting from 10am – 4pm.

Please get in touch with me immediately if you are available to take this job.
I will be waiting to read from you along with one recent photograph and measurements of yourself ASAP.


There really was no name attached to the email, but it could always have been another Philip Markoff.

I can't decide if this was written by an Eastern-European robot or what exactly, but it does indeed give me a good laugh and I agree with the writer's assertion that "the best life is one shared." That's part of why I'm sharing such a great email with you. The safety assurance that you can bring whoever you like with you really sets me at ease. In just the same way that seeing a lot of cops makes me think a neighborhood is real safe. I was tempted to respond to see where these folks set up operation, but I didn't quite have it in me.

Top o' the morning to you folks; after all it's morning somewhere...


  1. i got this e-mail three days ago. and the number didnt work, so i looked up on google cus this "great" opportunity didnt make since. who ever was e-mailing me would not answer any of my questions and to top it off the number on the contract didn't work. wow, this was a big waste of my time. glad i looked up information before i jumped into it.

  2. people trying to rip you off is a bad enough feeling, but the specific wording of this email always made me feel as if my body as well might disappear somewhere.


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