There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Pour Hot McDonald's Coffee On My Crotch

It's an open invitation, really it is. What really brought it to mind was the news that Anucha Browne Saunders won her sexual harassment suit. I'm not saying she wasn't sexually harassed, in spite of her hideous appearance, and I'm not trying to condone sexual harassment as a practice, I'm just saying $11.6 million is a lot of food. The fact that this lady was earning $260,000 before she was fired, or whatever the precise circumstances are, alarmed me as well.

In the article, Browne-Saunders alleges that "it isn't about the money." I understand, it's a principle thing, so how exactly does $11.6 million get picked out of a hat? Don't the people on the jury kind of think, "Holy shit, that's a truckload of bills, especially for someone already earning $260,000 a year prior to termination of employment?" I would hope they would use those exact words. Exorbitant settlement fees of course bring to mind the McDonald's coffee case. There is a more thorough rundown on Wikipedia but, for some reason, I seemed unable to link to it (perhaps disallowed). A detailed review makes it seem much less ridiculous than media originally would have you believe. This was not the first or last time McDonald's was sued in coffee burn-related incidents. Still, while McDonald's coffee might burn you slightly faster than competitor's brands, I struggle to find fault on this issue with a corporation I don't generally support (aside from chicken nuggets). After all, if I brewed a cup of coffee at my own house and spilled it on my crotch, who do I get to sue?

In more important news I hope to finally call it quits on Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I routinely used to talk shit about it and contend that I find Edy's much tastier, but that doesn't stop me from periodic BJ purchases. Take for instance, the other evening. Slightly inebriated, having consumed some delicious fried chicken and french fries (from a KENNEDY Fried Chicken), I sought out a sugary conclusion to my meal. I opted for Ben and Jerry's S'mores, the artist formerly known as Marsha Marsha Marshmallow. Not only did I have the same problem I always do - ice cream is the wrong consistency, harder than needed for optimal spooning - I just didn't find it particularly flavorful. Stand me in a BJ's shop and I'll delightedly eat it by the scoop, but I contend they just can't cut it in the pre-packaged market. And I still might try to eat a Vermonster solo. It doesn't matter what I think, though, because almost everyone else seems to reach for the Ben and Jerry's or, I should say, Unilever's. Maybe it is just Unilever's fault, who knows. I also had fond memories of Breyer's (Unilever owns them too, though I am not sure how long that has been the case) ice cream, only to find it grossly sub-par upon my last few tastings. The only solution is, at some point, to have a blind taste-testing. Choosing a consensus flavor, however, may prove difficult. In the meantime I really wish Good Humor would bring back the Fat Frog. Maybe they were terrible? Maybe I was five years old the last time I had one. Maybe desserts just taste better in frog form.


  1. You're a fucking idiot. Do some research and get informed.

  2. dear kitty,
    i would love to respond to you personally, but sadly you don't have a blogger account/e-mail to respond to, so i'll hope you're subscribed to comments.
    i won't bother to explain that what i post on here is largely of a tongue in cheek variety. that said, what did i fail to do my research on. i actually read many specifics on the mcdonald's case and said that it was not as ridiculous as the media made it out to be.
    but there was plenty of research to suggest not much difference between the damage done by other coffees as opposed to mcdonald's, based on temperature to skin. i know the settlement was largely to cover medical bills and necessary plastic surgery, but there was plenty of other money added on. i also know that ultimately the settlement was for much less than the originally stated amount.
    given all of that, yes, mcdonald's was a bit shit, but i said i didn't blame them for the temperature of their coffee. if i had been burned i probably see it differntly.
    look, everything must be taken with a grain of salt as it is easy to provide statistics and medical opinions either way on a situation. go take a look at what the fairy council says about milk, and then see what some others have to say. i'm sorry i made you angry kitty, and if you have some facts for me to go against whatever it is i ultimately said that offended you, i will be glad to check them out.
    maybe you'll get to read this. thanks for your time.


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