A Mammary of Light

Alas and alack at long last I've finished The Wheel of Time, a time I thought might never come. In fact that time came some weeks ago now and like a lot of long-anticipated things it was a touch anticlimactic. But I mean, hell, even the author didn't live to see the end so I guess there's something to be said for seeing it through. As much as books and movies and TV shows have no ending that might quite satisfy us, they still have definable endings and accessible timelines. It's something that Youtube and Facebook and all are trying to give us for our lives, even if that's not what they're really trying to give us, but the question then is what are they giving us? We've got an easy means by which to create and post video, create and post content and updates on our lives, but to what end? The end? An end? The Wheel of Time turns, assholes come and go, and so on.

And farting dehydrates dehydration, or maybe not, but it is what one Internet searcher wanted to know, and coming in just shy of the top 20 was yours truly, thanks to one of my parody efforts, penned and placed on my largely defunct parody blog. That was quite the near run-on. The internet: weird catalog of once ephemeral moments. Sure, these things are still ephemeral, but they're now accessible, which removes some of the magic. No cameras allowed has a nice ring to it.

Coming back to The Wheel of Time, for as much fun as I've made of it and myself for reading it over the years, it was a good ride. From embarrassing cover art — seriously they try damn hard to make Romance and Fantasy have the most embarrassing covers — to excessive repetition of character thought patterns and descriptions it had a nice familiarity to it. So anyway, RJ and WoT, so long, and thanks for the memories.

The Cramps

The Cramps were a band that I knew nothing about save for the fact that one of my middle school classmates was often wearing a shirt sporting their name. Even with the power of the Internet, I never really delved into giving them a listen, and that streak continues since I'm seated in a public place and my headphone jack is broken.

But the real reason I've mentioned cramps is because, of late, it appears I am the number one result for the term "grundle cramp." I thought briefly it might be time to retire from blogging as a result, but due to the manner in which google functions, I believe I must continue to update this thing in order to remain atop the rankings.

Mercifully, long has it been since I have had a grundle cramp. They can be quite terrible indeed. Rather than the painful seizing of a muscle that renders a part of the body near inoperable, this is predominantly a sharp pain, crippling in its own right, as if someone decided to stab you from within the depths of your nether-regions. It's just confounding when it happens because you don't really consider that whatever is in there—probably the pc muscle—is ever even doing all that much. In my limited and yet too vast experience it seems to be brought on by awkward foot planting. Like dropping from a ledge one is hanging on that is just a touch too high. Dehydration is surely a factor as well, as it tends to be in most cramping, but even with proper vitamin volume and hydration, that awkward drop can get the grundle going. As for overworking the grundle, I believe this happens when trying to cut off a urine stream, or other fluid that may be trying to rundown the wee wee.

As that is far more into detail than I really intended to get, let's hope that keeps me atop the grundle cramp leaderboard a little longer and may I not speak of it until it crops up in search terms that land folks at my blog again.

And that's apparently all my brain could put together at this moment. That's the way it is sometimes folks, that's the way it is sometimes. Stay friendly folks, and smile like you mean it.