Valenchimes Day

Well it is the day of St. Valentine and all that is now commercially associated, so I'm chiming in so as not to miss every important day in February as it unfolds. Groundhog day? Didn't see if any shadows were seen. Lincoln's birthday? Well, I'm in the adoptive land of Lincoln (IL) so rarely is old honest Abe away from my brain, honest.

This year I have a Valentine, and it's nice, the nicest one actually, but I think she knows that I love and care about her the other three-hundred-and-sixty-four. Leap year, thankfully, I get a day off.

But ah yes, Valenchimes, the gentle sound of wind imploring you to buy chocolates, flowers, and a fancy dinner. Enter one more opinion on how you're all for those in love to be celebrating, but it shouldn't be forced on you or expected, and nor should those in tenuous, ambiguous, or completely non-existent relationships feel bad. Because I do agree with that. Remember back in elementary school — assuming you are in the same bracket of timing as I, and that you attended a school that had similar practices — where you'd essentially give out Valentine's to everyone, or at least your friends? That was a nice thought save for the poor bastards who got far fewer or, worse, no Valentine's.

Unfortunately, that's life. We can't all be loved, nor can we all be loved equally, so from the cheesy recesses of my cheesy heart — I'm not belittling these sentiments, I just eat a lot of cheese — if you do have people you care about, let them know. It doesn't have to be February 14th. There are a lot of other days in the year. No day is the wrong day to tell someone you're thinking of them. What's the worst that happens? They didn't want you to be thinking of them? Don't worry, many of us are narcissistic enough that, even when it's not the right person, we're still clamoring for someone to care, maybe even our enemies.

If you came here in search of Valenrhymes, there're some from the past, and more specific doctorings of the word itself were the works of the Valenmime. Without even looking back, I can be sure that there is some repetition even in those two posts, but my brain can't always remember all that it's thought up. The best ideas come up more than once, right?

So if you Valenpine for a Valentine, I hope one comes for you all in good Valentime, and if you're bothered by all of my rhyme, well then you can just suck on a fresh Valenlime. Know that the future may just hold further Valen-decline.

Nursery Rhyme

Walk six abreast you'll get hit in the chest! Depending on your height. This rhyme also works for any number of people because chest and abreast rhyme. What's that? You knew that? Well now you still do! It's pretty routine for me to complain about sidewalk or walkway etiquette but I feel like lately it's gotten even more out of hand. It seems to me quite simple that if a path can accommodate x humans, and x is divided into two groups moving in opposite directions, and you are dealing with x+1, either side must choose to yield a human into the back row. Now, if x is one entire group, and 1 is the sole opposer, it stands that a member of group x should yield, rather than present a crushing mob. Or perhaps, I am crazy.

Lolo Jones' ass has been a popular search term in the last few days, at least to land people at my blog, and it would appear that is because she recently announced that she is a virgin. Normally I'd like some news source or other but today I'm lazy (well, not just today). Of course, a woman announcing her virginity and searching about her ass do not share a direct correlation. I'll leave reader brains to associate how or why this search term might develop. At any rate, I don't know why this sent people to my blog, as I've never blogged about Ms. Jones' ass. Oh well, that is the magic of the internet. So good luck to Ms. Jones at the Olympic Trials and, should she make it, the Olympic Games. Nothing is guaranteed, but I'd like to see her there.

Well now that isn't very much that I've gone and covered here but such can be the way. Have yourselves a glorious Memorial Day weekend folks. I'll be sweating.

If It's Dallas Thing I Do...

Well, did, it was go to Dallas. In fact, I'm there right now. You've got to mess around with the emphasis of the syllables in that there title for it to make sense, but once you do I think you'll catch my drift. I haven't really figured this city out since I've only spent about three days here, much of it in a hotel room, but there's plenty to like. Things or at least one thing that will prevent it from being a city I consider truly livable, is that one must drive everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I haven't experimented with public transit, and maybe it's not bad, but the fact remains you won't be doing much pedestrianing. There are dedicated paved paths that have been put in for pedestrians, runners, and cyclists, but it's still a sprawling metropolis. It's no real knock, it's just compared to what I have encountered, and enjoy, in other cities.

I've got a lot of Valentine-related wordplay I'm itching to lay down but I did already lay it down pretty thick on Twitter. That said, if you've ever read this blog description and my profile, we're not really talking the first time I've committed some redundancy. See also: many of my posts.

At any rate, folks down here in Dallas are really friendly, which is nice, because in spite of being a griping grumpus on here from time-to-time, I'm a pretty friendly individual. I have the benefit of staying awfully near Highland Park, which could also be considered not a benefit depending on how you view things. It's lush and wealthy and thus safe – and man is there a lot of high school pride [t]here – but that also makes it completely unrealistic as a place I'd ever be capable of living. Still, I enjoyed taking a jaunt out through the neighborhoods and seeing the amazing properties. Yes, many are huge, but the architecture tends to be tasteful, which you can't say of a lot of large homes. These go behind homes though, and cross into the hacienda realm.

I did venture out to far less lustrous segments that comprise the actual city, although that has been my strange feeling: I don't know in some ways where the city actually is. Highland Park is a town it's own, yes, but the parts I have wandered in trips and in runs, I hardly known if I truly have been in the Dallas confines. I think I did run out to East Dallas today, but cardinally challenged as I am at the moment, suffice to say that, wherever it was, it was not the place to be.

Though it isn't particularly valenkind, I'm going to jot down a few more valenlines. Those are for jotting and not for snorting, although after those some red liquid might be reporting. Really I'm feeling quite valenfine, not at all in a pickle or valenbrined. About the day I cannot valenwhine, for I enjoyed great valenwhine, and also some bourbon at the valentime that I did valendine. Vaguely here you see valenrhymes, some of which are lackluster, a few which valenshine, and none of which earn me one single valendime. For that I'd have to do some real valengrime, though nothing that would earn me a valenfine. You'll note that I used that last one already, but the meaning was different, so please, hold steady. It's about time I rode the valenpine, since I've nothing too earth-shattering like a valenmine. As the silence does settle, enter the valenmime, and now I believe I'm in a valenbind. Not many other options can I think of at this time, leaving me really quite valenblind. Really that's all that I care to compose: thanks for the memories Dallas, with that I close.

Valenrhymes

Well, for those who celebrate Valentine's as joke or as joy, a belated outpouring of wishes to you. I have never been much of one for the holiday and I promise it doesn't stem from not having a valentine some years. Yes, the truth is that I have actually had a valentine on some occasions past, a true valencrime if there ever was one. Who would date such valenslime? Well at times I remove the valengrime, and valenmime my way through. What does valentine mean anyway? Vale is a term for valley, tine is string. So valley and string. I guess you are wrapped up (how rapturous) in that deep valley of love. We can all go look up the more accurate meaning if we see fit. Happy day.

Or Hallmark day. Now, lest it not be clear already, I really don't have a problem with kind gestures thrown out on the 14th of February, I simply remain leery of that deadly word "expectation." Expectation can ruin an awful lot of those things that seem otherwise not broken. Indeed, things I like about Valentine's include those awful tasting candy hearts, the opportunity to cheese it up and still remain somewhat romantic, and the crap puns that can be thrown into holiday-themed cards.

How did I spend my Valentine's? That is an intensely personal question, but I will say it did involve many things I love, socially, atmospherically, and gastronomically. I even got a new jacket out of the deal. See number three below:


XXI Forever Kids

Oh right, but I called this Valenrhyme's, and there's nothing I like more (or little I like more), than spontaneously crafting little ditties, so here y'all go:

Awake in the morning
Heart on sleeve
Random person in your bed
Don't ask them to leave

For this is the day of St. Valentine
I celebrated with whiskey
Some celebrate with wine
Is there even a scheme to this rhyme?

There could be if I really chose
But formulaic is boring
So I mix rhyme and prose
As you can see the result rather blows

But such is life
As Vonnegut says "So it goes"
So on this day next year give someone a rose
Someone surprising
To keep them on their toes

All these stanzas had four lines
That last one had five
Don't sweat the small stuff
It'll help keep you alive

If you think that I spent more than three minutes on this
'Twould almost fill me with a hint of bliss
But nor would I take it at all amiss
If you were to consider it but a bucket of piss

So I hope you are happy
Wher[who]ever you are
I know this got a hint sappy
I'm stretching too far

Why did I even bother to write out this rhyme
I just needed a little something to occupy my mind
A little something to take up the time
And anyone reading I hope it suits you just fine

And mercifully I will end this matter
As I've the intense need to empty my bladder

Mazel tov...