There are so many intelligent and articulate people covering the hard-hitting
issues in our country these days, that I felt it was my duty to cover the
rather inconsequential bullshit that tends to make up the vast majority of
our lives. Actually, I'll just be griping a lot which, if you weren't aware,
doubles as a synonym for complaining, and as a descriptor for
a sharp pain in the bowels.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Golden Grahams

That's what it smelled like in the train car in which I was seated this morning. Young Anakin Skywalker endorsed Golden Grahams, and later turned to the dark side trying to figure out how they crammed all that graham. Turned out just to be a special blend of artificial flavoring, sugar, brown sugar, honey, and some other crap. The universe would surely have been in deeper shit if he had tried to figure out why people eat Apple Jacks. Depending on my mood, I am a big fan of both cereals.

Now I must go back in time to Friday, when it was raining in the morning. As a result, many people were carrying these devices. I was, grudgingly, among them. For some reason I hate using umbrellas. I also pretty much hate people that use them for reasons I am about to explain.

I already get needlessly annoyed simply having to deal with standard pedestrian traffic in the city ("pedestrian rage" my girlfriend calls it, as she experiences the same) and at some point I will probably articulate this more (also needlessly). Anyway, the real problem with umbrellas is that people are not at all conscious of the additional space they now occupy given this device that varies greatly in size. Most people seem not to be looking where they are going when I see them walking as it is, but an umbrella over the face never helps. Lots of people simply pull it down, like the brim of a hat, and seem to have no concern for other pedestrians.

The only flaw to this method is if the person you are walking toward is not me and, like you, is not looking or able to see around their overhanging umbrella. The thing is, I am amazed there are not more pedestrian-to-pedestrian accidents. Still, I did manage to see several people get cracked upside the dome-piece by a neighboring umbrella. This seems like either a) a simple concept; b) something I am blowing out of proportion, or c) both. Just as drivers with points on their licenses have to attend driver safety classes, I think something similar should be instated for umbrella safety and etiquette.

It might be bad luck to open an umbrella indoors, but it's probably worse luck to have someone in New York City with a behemoth umbrella barreling down on you, especially if they opted for the one with the razor-like edges.*

*does not exist...yet...that I know of.√

√ I put the check mark to show off my keyboard shortcut skills. If you need worthless skills or knowledge, just send me an email.


  1. Thats a square root symbol. Sorry to burst you bubble.

  2. I guess you're probably right. I always noted the hook on the left, but since there is no cap on the right to go over the numbers, I guess I just always thought it would make a reasonable check mark. Good looking out.


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